Dancing the Tightrope

Beginnings After Beginnings

2010-06-29T12:40:00.000-07:00

After we left Pennsylvania and drove through the lush mountains of the northeast, across the central plains, stopped in Colorado where we went on a hike in high altitude and low humidity (and I got my first ever sunburn – not fun! Sorry all you fair skinned people, I feel your pain), then passed through breathtakingly beautiful and unique Utah, across more plains again, then up through mountains covered with ancient pines that can't be described as anything other than magical because of their misty shrouds and holy waterfalls, we arrived, finally, in Portland, with bright eyes and light hearts.

I had an entire blog entry ready to go to say farewell to this one. It had a link to our new joint blog that was to be all about our new life in Portland, where we'd been directed to go both through logic and through intuition, where everyone who had ever been there told us we'd belonged, and where it seemed to us like we would too.

So we arrived in Portland, and found an overcast city. No problem, we knew that Portland's weather wasn't the sunniest. But we weren't there for the weather, we were there for the people! For the relationships! For our fellow veggie lovers! For my new husband's education!

Except....

Portland has an amazing vegetarian culture, true. A culture that is artsy and creative and unique. It is a definite tribe, one that the world needs. But, as we found to our dismay, it wasn't our tribe. We didn't fit in at all. And our bright eyes met other eyes that politely turned aside, not recognizing any sort of connection.

And we realized, as we spent all of each day driving and searching, calling and touring, and finding random wifi spots to look up new addresses, that finding a place to live would be much more difficult than we'd expected. “Of course!” you may say, but no. I've done this before, moved to a new city without a place to live. I've done it more than once. And I'd ALWAYS found somewhere that fit the bill perfectly. Not here. Not even close.

And, for months now, I'd had those deep whisperings that said “you know, naturopathic medical school may not QUITE be what Terry will do.” And I'd told him gently that if he changed his mind, I'd be fine with it, knowing that he would. And he knew too, as it turned out, but both of us, feeling the need to stick to a “plan,” quieted these thoughts privately and pushed through.

But, as it turns out, you can't push through when there is a different path for you to tread. Your pushing gets more and more difficult until you find yourself against an impenetrable wall of rock that sends you back where you came from, bruised and heartsore.

So there we were, days in, still no farther along, confused, sad, and exhausted, wondering what to do with our lack of options and direction. Then, like a candle in the darkness, we made a joke about driving south.

“You know, we spend twelve hours in the car every day ANYWAY.”

“Are you serious?”

“No. ….. I mean, no. We couldn't do that, right?”

“.....”

And it marinated until when, a day later and in a scarier internal place where Terry was at a complete loss and I was questioning every gut feeling I'd ever had (which was a terrifying thing, considering that I've made just about EVERY major life decision throughout my entire adulthood based on that intuition), someone else suggested that we go south.

So we thought about it.

And we talked about it.

And, as we did, that knot in my belly started to relax, and loosen, so gently that I didn't notice it until I was feeling on steady ground again. And that constant threat of tears receded so I could see clearly. So I looked at Terry and he looked at me, and we decided that yes, maybe this WAS an option.

And the more we thought about it and felt it out, the more right it was until the next morning wound up with us checking out of our hotel and hitting the road.

That night the moon rose above us, full in an indigo sky and the sun set behind us over soft golden mountains of ripening wheat as we drove down Interstate 5.

Terry smiled for no reason for the first time in longer than he could remember, he told me.

And as we drove into Los Angeles, a single red firework went off just next to our car, filling our windshield, coming from a place where there weren't any houses and where there wasn't any traffic on the freeway.

We each looked at each other.

“Did you SEE that?”

Then, of course, after we parked the car I got out and immediately stepped in a giant mound of dog poo, which was less pleasant, but they say it's good luck so I'll go with it.

And here we are.

And we're still starting a new and awesomer blog, don't you worry. Here it is.

It'll be all about our new adventures, and they will be adventures, because what kind of hypocrite would I/we be, who tell others to follow their instincts, if we don't follow our own, even against all “logical,” “real-world” thinking? So here we go. Come along, if you like. It'll be a different ride though.

In Love and Light,

Charis

Honeymoon: The Rest of It

2010-06-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

Here are shots from the rest of amazing St. Augustine:

Day 5

Peacock at the Fountain of Youth (lame tourist attraction if you ask me, but there were cool peacocks...)

I'll let you in on a little secret...

If you are ever, ever, EVER in St. Augustine, you MUST go to Kilwin's and get a caramel apple.

He didn't believe me until he tried it.

YUM.

Day 6

We watched sunrise for the rest of the week. (yes, we'd go back to sleep afterwards, but it was def. worth it to get up and go)

The best French pastry shop EVER

(that eclair made every other eclair I've ever had taste like sacrilege)

Drinks that night...homemade sangria...mmmm...

Day 7

Day 8

This is the day we traveled home, and what an amazing week.

Big T picked us up at the airport that night. Big T is Terry's father and my new father in law. Terry's named after his dad, but two Terrys in my world would make my brain explode, so Big T he is (he doesn't mind). I piped Jason Mraz into my ears via the ipoderoo, leaned back, and watched floating stars blink on and off in the Pennsylvania grass (lightning bugs). Love them.

Packing these few days, and hitting the road on Thursday for Portland! The new blog will be up soon, I'll letcha know ;)

Honeymoon Days 3 and 4

2010-06-09T14:08:00.000-07:00

One of the best things about our honeymoon is how lifelike it is. This just feels like our ordinary life, just in a different (and AWESOME) town. I'm enjoying my husband lots, thanksverymuch, and as he sits on the bed right now, writing, I sit on the floor, doing the same. Well, kind of. More like posting pictures :)

Day 3

Shopping for shoes for T... it was an epic journey, but we came out victors, eventually!

The Present Moment Cafe - also the main reason why we chose St. Augustine as our vacation spot. It's hard to find raw restaurants! And we are loving every meal there...

(the decorations rock too)

cucumber lemon water, YUM.

Kale avocado salad, seriously delicious

Raw sushi! FINALLY! And yes, parsnip rice is amaaaazing, tastes SO much like the real thing that my craving is undoubtedly satisfied. I'll be experimenting with that one just as soon as we get our Portland kitchen set up.

The beautiful Floridian beach (Atlantic side, so no oil, ew.)

Having a Lady and the Tramp moment with sea glass noodles (amazing)

A short stop on a long evening walk...

Day 4

Love of mine, reading in the morning

Happy hour - you buy a drink and get a free drink w/ a slice of pizza, not raw but oh so worth it. That pizza is outstanding...

The entertainment was pretty amazing too

A sunset sail

And that wraps it up. Today is Day 5, and I plan on posting on it later. This is much better than having to do a long recap at the end of the week, says me. On another note, this blog is about to be done and done - there's a new one in the works, as this girl has finished dancing this tightrope and is onto a new adventure (and Terry will be blogging too, which is just way WOW if you ask me. No, really, wait til you see....)

Honeymoon Day 2

2010-06-06T17:53:00.000-07:00

A1A Ale Works - delicious, and we ordered WAY too much food (and I have an oil pull in as I type to get rid of the toothache, BLAH), but kinda almost worth it. Add in the fact that we watched the current tennis match, but not cause we like tennis, just for the ball boys. They're so INTO IT. Really, watch them the next time you see tennis on. It'll be worth your time. Awesome.

The best nachos I've ever had, bar none.

We didn't even almost finish all this...

Our lovely room

Our private balcony

Awesome random shoppingness

The sunset off our balcony. Yum.

Tonight, we were going to go on a romantic carriage ride, or maybe a ghost tour (yay!), but alas, I'm laid up with this danged toothache, which makes it hard to enjoy anything. So I'm self medicating and Terry is putting up with me. Good husband, that one.

Honeymoon Day 1: Travel

2010-06-05T17:40:00.000-07:00

A Guinness and a mai tai, which tasted nothing like a mai tai, but was ridiculously strong.

Aeroplane

Travel socks

Delicious jawline

The coast, from a hurricane's eye view

Love him

In other news, I just finished an oil pull because of a little toothache twinge that bothered me on the flight. As disgusting as you can imagine, but works like a charm. At the moment we're watching I Am Legend on tv at our stopover hotel (we check in to the REAL one tomorrow). Zombies that'll eat your DOG. Now that's messed up.

Have a lovely day!

A late night convo

2010-06-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

Time: 11:46pm, June 4, 2010

Location: Dining room table, Malloy house

Cast: The new husband and myself, after everyone has gone to bed, exhausted from a night of backyard s'mores making and assorted revelry.

T: Are you sure that you don't mind that we're going on a honeymoon to a place that you've been to before, with another guy?
explanation: St. Augustine was only an hour from Gainesville, where I got my first master's degree, and yes, I went there once or twice with my grad school boyfriend. Which is how I knew the amazingness of that city.
C: Um YES! That was, like, five years ago, and the relationship sucked anyway.
(insert a silent moment here)
C: Okay. I'm sitting at this dining room table with you. Other girlfriends of yours have sat at this table with you too. Does that mean that you feel weird sitting with me here now?
T: That's a good point. You're very smart.
....
T: You're smarter than any other girls that I've sat at this table with.
....
T: But you probably already knew that.

(have I mentioned that I love my husband?)

PA Reception (Take 2!)

2010-06-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

Our second reception in Hazleton was all kinds of amazing.

I'll let the pics speak for themselves...

(I tied a bouquet together that morning the way my awesome florist showed me in Richmond)

Tomorrow we leave on a jet plane for the honeymoon. This is where we're staying. Good times!

The Big Day

2010-06-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

I woke up early and laid in bed for hours, relaxing, enjoying the knowledge that this was about to be one of the happiest days of my life, and brainstorming my vows, which I'd been working on for weeks but that never quite came out right.

Eventually I arose, got a glass of water, blogged, wrote in my journal and T's, and wrote my vows, fingers flying across the keyboard, everything lining up perfectly as if I'd planned to wait until this day all along.

I went outside once in my sheep pajamas to help set up the caterer tent. I didn't help much (it was hard!), and eventually I was ordered to go back indoors and relax.

From then on, I was pretty much on my own - I wasn't allowed to help (not complaining!) and, just as was best, I got lots of time for contemplation and prayer.

It's no small thing, joining your life with another's. And I really can't, now as I think about it, understand how people who's entire day is filled with rushing and stress and clock watching can really align themselves with the sacred act that they're about to perform.

So, I relaxed. And I wrote. And eventually I showered and put rollers in my hair to set for an hour or so, and this is where things started to pick up.

As bridesmaids arrived and I began to get text messages and people called and notes were sent back and forth between my groom and me, the tension built.

"I'm not nervous," I remember telling someone. "It's just that I'm noticing that I've begun to shake."

And it was true. Once my vows were written, it was all smooth sailing from there. I fixed my hair, tucking pins topped with blue flowers and pearls here and there, sliding my "something borrowed" tiara (from one of my best friends' wedding in October) atop the completed 'do, applying and reapplying lipstick, kissing a tissue in between layers so the color would last, tying on a garter, buckling on my silver shoes, and needing to get totally naked in the hallway (the only space that would fit this task) in front of 5 people (all women, don't worry) because of the thinness of my satin wedding gown, which did not bode well for any type of seam (I was beyond embarrassment and finally understood how women in labor must feel when they just don't care).

Everything was ready. I put on a last coating of lipstick, tucked my vows into my left boob and my handkerchief (something old) into my right one, picked up my flowers (something blue), and walked downstairs to wait in the foyer.

My Dad came in and hugged me ten times, not saying much, his eyes saying more than any words could. My brother came in with a suitable awed curse word (gotta love him). At one point I looked over to see my about-to-be mother in law standing in the doorway with that I'm-gonna-cry, it's-only-a-matter-of-seconds face, which is very cute. We snapped pictures and I adjusted that blue flower pin over my right ear that kept falling out, as I licked my teeth, paranoid about lipstick on them during the ceremony.

Finally it was time to go downstairs and line up (my butterflies are returning even as I type this, what a feeling!). There was a dicey moment where T was a wall away from me, so a small traffic jam (don't go down there!) ensued,

but eventually we all stood in the basement - parents first, then the bridesmaids, and me, over by the other mirror, giving myself last checks but trying not to look too much, breathing deeply, staying quiet.

A couple more hugs and they were on their way. I walked out of the other door (I was coming from a different place than everyone else) and had a blessed moment outside alone, taking a few deep breaths, saying prayers to the Presence that I felt all around me, as thick as honey, and bending down to straighten my train, laying my veil down into place over my face, seeing the world through a white haze, everything blessed, everything beautiful.

Then it was time. A friend came out to hold my train as I rounded the corner. My walking music started. And in I went.

Some people say that this passes in a blur. And although I understand what they mean, I also remember an eternity of moments, steps, shared glances, and smiles.

I couldn't see my groom at first because of the curvature of our aisle. I stepped onto our little brick path off the patio (laid that morning!) and then down onto the grass between the rows of guests' seating. I saw relatives and friends on my left, and my new relatives and friends on my right. I did my best to walk gracefully, since these new shoes and the uneven lawn didn't quite make it an automatic activity, and then I saw him.

Standing there, as gorgeous as ever, looking at me back, smiling. I knew that he couldn't see me well (I chose a thick veil, much more romantic if you ask me) so I treasured these moments, tucking away my sights for private memories that will last me a lifetime. Up I walked, through the rest of our gathered loved ones, and I found the bottom of my veil to sneak my flowers under and hand them to my sister.

Then up onto the brick, beneath our arbor, in front of our amazing minister whose grounded and serene presence meant so much in the holiness of these moments, and to him. He stepped forward to lift my veil, carefully laying it down against my back (because of instructions during the rehearsal to avoid any lumps or catches, for photoing's sake), and smiling at me, both of us here, now, meeting each other again and like we will for the rest of our lives, in full love and communion.

It began. We'd written every word of our ceremony together, getting the approval from Cheryl (the minister) along the way, each sentence dripping with thought and meaning. And as we stood, looking deep into each other, emotions swirled around us. Not only ours, which would have been enough, but I could feel the love and blessings of everyone gathered there all around. I felt as if I were in the middle of a river, currents brushing against me constantly, emotionally both bracing myself and letting everything in, fully aware that the words I was about to say would be the most important ones I ever have said, and probably will ever say, and that God was right there, listening.

Cheryl talked about this occasion and the importance that every marriage ceremony holds, especially ours, and each of our fathers gave a reading that we'd picked after hours of research.

When it was time, I, with a wiggle, withdrew my vows (unexpected? Maybe. Inappropriate? If you ask some, I'm sure they'll say that yes, perhaps the placement was. But hey, where the heck else was I going to keep them? Besides, a little humor and inappropriateness in the middle of a sacred and God filled ritual certainly describes our ways of being perfectly!), and read them to Terry, my voice ringing, my soul singing, my heart opening to his as I felt our individual selves combine with the words we said. We'd set a 150 word limit, but mine were more like 600. I'm not sorry. And then, once I was done, he came out with a perfect and short response which blew me away and cemented our bond even further. A couple times tears threatened to stop his speech, and he'd reach up and brush his nose with a thumb. Everyone else thought he was wiping tears, but I saw what it was - a magical "don't cry" button that only worked that way - the thumb nose brush. Good to know.

And then there was the ring exchange, and the handfasting, and as each cord was tied I felt our union deepen and become more real, until they were all tied and the Apache Wedding Prayer was said to bind.

An announcement of marriage, a long kiss (cheers from our guests included),

and smiles all around as our music started (Enya's Storms in Africa. Listen to it, it's amazing) and we walked down the aisle. At the end of it he scooped me up and I shrieked, so happy, so excited.

Then the rest of our party and our parents followed and we stood in a knot, talking and laughing and hugging. My face was cramping from all of the uncontrollable smiles, so T and I did a little yogic lion face to stretch out (it totally worked).

Then off to a nearby spot for pictures,

And back for the reception, which included rain (which only heightened the awesomeness of the day as we all sat at our tables under the big tent), and which also inhibited most dancing (though not all of it, and we made up for it a week later and then some),

delicious food, to-die-for cupcakes from Frosting's in Glen Allen, VA, over by Short Pump,

the best toasts I've ever heard and that seriously threatened to knock me out of my chair a time or two,

talking, thanking, congratulating, and general merrymaking til late into the night.

Mostly everyone had gone and the remaining guests were all at two tables, singing along to the Sexy Vegan's ukulele, so Terry and I gave a couple of hugs and ducked inside through the rain to grab our bags and head out to our hotel for the night.

One of the best parts of the whole night were the congratulations that came from random folks as we walked through the lobby in our wedding attire.

Then, other best parts came, of course, which aren't for blogging :)

And that was that, as they say. An amazing night, and it told of an amazing life together to come. Boy oh boy do I love my new husband. I'm the luckiest girl in the world right now (I'm not saying others don't tie me, but they certainly can't beat me) and Saturday we leave for our honeymoon.

But there'll be another recap before then, so stay tuned!

May 21, 2010: The Day Before

2010-06-02T19:22:00.000-07:00

Many of our out-of-towners had arrived Thursday night, so we awoke to a full house on Friday morning.

Energized and pensive, I decided to stay home while the rest of the crew ran to get some breakfast.

I hung out by our dance floor and poked around at the fire pit, still a bit warm from the night before, when we'd all sat around, waxing philosophical, bemoaning our lack of marshmallows (we found them deep in a kitchen cabinet a couple days later).

That evening was the rehearsal, when the rest of the out of towners got in. My sister had come in on the red eye and was bleary eyed but good natured and we ran through the whole shebang, T and I doubling as our own wedding coordinators (that's how we roll).

Actually, I thought it went more smoothly than other wedding rehearsals I'd been to when wedding coordinators did lead the show.

It was much more fun and relaxed too.

Our Wedding Slideshow! (part 1, that is)

2010-06-01T13:39:00.000-07:00

Yeppers, there are more coming!

This is the one we played at the wedding reception. There are 2 more coming, one from the wedding and one from the second reception - both equally awesome, and both still in the works.

Enjoy!

update: To watch it full-sized on youtube, go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-ZWSZYq_Gc

Hulaballoo

2010-05-30T07:52:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes, yes I know, I've been remiss in posting. (I've gotten yelled at for the too long wait for pics. My bad.)

But, I am a married woman now,

And our second reception has come and gone too (which was fabulous, and took place last night),

So expect lots and Lots and LOTS and lots of pictures!

love,
Charis

Luminous

2010-05-25T06:31:00.000-07:00

The wedding went off without a hitch.

It was lovely.

I'll post pics and play-by-plays later. There was a little rain, but just enough to make it lucky :) (no one got unnecessarily wet except for the hem of my dress, which is now a deep ochre color. I don't mind.)

Today we're headed up to PA, to prepare for the second reception this Saturday! Party time.

Today has Arrived

2010-05-22T06:19:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's finally here.

Today is my wedding day (and yes, I've already broken my vow of silence once. It's hard not to when a bridesmaid calls you for directions...)

Last night the rehearsal was beautiful, the sky softly clouded and, as we went to dinner afterwards on the patio of a nearby restaurant, the sky darkened into that deep, glowing blue that is my favorite, with a pure white half crescent moon overhead. I walked back and forth from table to table, kneeling next to seats and chatting, giving hugs, holding hands, we even had a couple of serenades by the restaurant's live entertainment, and last but not least, feeling little Nicholas move in Bebe's HUGE belly. That was the highlight. How it fascinates me! But first things first, and I tartly informed the ladies standing around that no one was to expect a belly like that from ME in six months from now!

After going to bed in the wee hours, I woke up at dawn today, heart thumping, mind racing. For the next two hours I laid in bed curled on my side, marinating in the joy of this day. I've written my vows and my fingers itch to post them here. Perhaps tomorrow. There are other fun things for you to see too, but they'll have to wait a few days, can't spoil my blog reading guests' "dinner". :)

I keep having butterflies race down my spine and cluster in my tummy, and I relax into them and feel those tickling waves of energy course through my entire body. I can't wait to walk down that aisle, to look into those infinitely deep brown eyes, to say my words, to hear his, to bind our hands together for a moment and bind our souls together for all time.

I am a blessed girl. And I give thanks for everything. (yes, even the meltdowns).

Last night my mother knocked on my door as I worked on vows, saying that she was lying in bed and couldn't go to sleep until she'd wished me a good night on this last evening of my single womanhood. Then my sister came in and we all three sat on the bed, talking. Mom told me that she's never seen two people more perfectly matched than me and Terry. Michal mused about her eventual marrying or not marrying someone, and said that she would if she found someone who did the opposite of constrain her, but rather set her free and made her calm - the type of person I'd found.

Warmth surrounded me. My family's not exactly tender usually, so those moments will always be with me.

I told them that it was a funny feeling, going to sleep, knowing you'll wake up a different person. And I have. I am different. But it's not so much a switch as it is a layering - after today I'll be more complex, more joyful, more aware, more awake. I'll be more myself.

And I give thanks, I give thanks, I give thanks.

I hope all of you on out there have a wonderful day too. Blessings to all of you. I'm overflowing with joy, and I'm sending it through the e-waves!

Happy ~~wedding day~~ Saturday!

And a quote:
I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.
~Anais Nin

Thursday before the wedding

2010-05-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

(that place is awesome, by the way. DEF visit it if ever in Richmond...)

Yesterday Melissa came over and helped me put seating cards together all day. It took much longer than I was expecting, and if she hadn't been there, it would have taken double or triple that amount of time to finish. We sat on the floor of my mom's living room and I slid a paper cutter back and forth, arranged lavender bundles, and sorted names and tables, and Melissa tied knot after knot into the ribbons that held everything together. We chatted and gossiped and talked about all sorts of things, and after she left Terry and I had dinner, watched Lost and I had a mandatory mini bridal meltdown.

I think those are bound to happen once in a while, and this was my second one.It was about the ins and outs of tiny tedious things that ordinarily wouldn't be something to worry one's little head about, but having a wedding at home comes with certain perks, and certain drawbacks. For example, all the money you save is a perk. On the other hand, having to do every little thing yourself (yes, including weeding the flower beds, which makes me cry - duh, I'm a weirdo - and such), is a drawback.

That said, the seating cards came out beautifully. Then last night I had a call that 5 or so people aren't coming anymore. So I'll have to redo a bunch of them. Fabulous. (note to all of you wedding goers out there - if I've learned anything during this experience, it is the importance of the friggin RSVP! Do it! Save someone an aneurism!)

But, that was it for me. No more stress. I'm done with it. From now on, I'll be serene city. On Saturday I'm taking a vow of silence until soon before the wedding. I'll probably still blog though (loophole!), so there's that to look forward to.

Today T and I drove up to Short Pump to run a couple of errands and see a new baby of a good friend of mine. The weather is perfect - a cornflower blue sky and Mario Bros. clouds. May it be this nice in T-minus-51 hours. That'd be great, mommy nature, thanks.

Happy Thursday!

Tuesday Before the Wedding

2010-05-18T05:35:00.000-07:00

our cupcake tree, as yet unadorned...I'll be tackling that as soon as I hit the publish button here

As I told my mentor yesterday, who I write to daily, my titles this week may be a little boring. I'm in full wedding mode and just saying Monday, Tuesday, etc Before the Wedding is enough for me. And I think it will be enough when I go back and read later. But, that said, sorry for the boring titles.

So, at the end of the week is our wedding. I went to my buddy Bebe's wedding in October and served as a bridesmaid. She'll also do the same at my wedding, although by now she may be a little bit wobbly - after all, she is 5 months pregnant and HUGE (yay!). It's a good thing that I'm encouraging flat shoes!

Oh, on that - a note to everyone attending the wedding: it's been rainy. Wear flats. I'll be wearing flats and I'm the bride. Take a lesson, y'all. No one likes a sinking heel. Especially not the girl wearing it.

On another note, we're currently working on the streaming for the video (like, literally, right now, we're testing it as I type.)

the link, if anyone wants to tune in Saturday at 6:00 (eastern time): http://www.ustream.tv/channel/charis-and-terry-s-wedding

Granted, this will not be an in depth, camera angle changing, professional broadcast. More like we'll sit a laptop somewhere where it can see the action and hit the "broadcast" button. But you'll be able to hear our awesome vows that I'm currently stressing about (yikes, big deal much?)

When I was at Bebe's wedding, I asked her, "How does it feel?" Throughout my life, there have been certain days that have stood out - both as things to look forward to (which sometimes have and sometimes have not lived up to the hype), and unexpected best days ever that took me by surprise. But across the board, your wedding day is always one of the awesome ones, the ones that you anticipate and that DO end up being the best days ever.

Those great days come by surprise so often that sitting here now, knowing that the so-far best day of my life is just a few more days away is thrilling. I know it will be amazing. And maybe outshined only by the days when my children are born, years from now. But even still, I think it will be in a different category. This is a wedding.

And my name will even be different afterwards. I'll be forever changed, as a result of that intimate and personal ceremony. I don't know how I'll feel. But I know how I feel now - excited. Enraptured. Deeply in love. And shivery, it's cold in here...

Happy Tuesday!

Countdown

2010-05-16T05:54:00.000-07:00

This time next week, I'll be a married woman.
(weird.)
This morning I woke up, my mind running in circles. There's lots to do. Seating charts, centerpieces, signs directing folks to the wedding (my mother lives in a slightly confusing neighborhood), gifts for the folks in hotels, and on and on and on for eons.

There's a lot to think about, and I'm as guilty of the next person of getting caught up in the ridiculous things that don't really matter as the days tick by and now I live my last Sunday as an unmarried woman, and tomorrow it'll be my last Monday, and so on.

I have so much to look forward to. I'm marrying the best guy ever, and I am guilty of also being a bit smug about that from time to time. In my defense, I never take him for granted, so that's an upswing of smugness. But mostly I just feel lucky and wish the same for every other girl out there.

May we all find our matches, and grow and glow in their presence, and hold a space for them to be their best selves in ours.

Happy Sunday!

(6 days! Prayers for blue skies would be appreciated - rain is a possibility!)

Happy 300!

2010-05-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

Today is my 300th blog post.

Whoa, that's a lot of typing about random things.

I realized as I perused other blogs, which is the only surefire way that I can make myself drink an adequate amount of water because if both of my hands are typing and clicking, no one ever touches that jar of water sitting right next to me and this means that I get dehydrated, as I am now, which is also responsible for the overnight appearance of three new zits, one on the left cheek, two on the right, which is unacceptable considering next weeks wedding. So reading and guzzling it is. Anyway, I realized that it has been months and months since I posted any pictures with me actually IN them. So here's one I took directly afterward.

Mysterious, yes, I know. Actually it's just bad lighting.

I'm on my mom's living room couch in a sweatshirt with a beautiful white sky behind me. I don't mind it being overcast when it makes the light so ambient and nice.

Last night a thunderstorm came through and Terry and I, after arriving home through walls of water, stood on the front porch and watched lightning zigzag across the sky. We counted for the thunder, to judge the distance that the flashes were from us (what's that rule again? I have no clue. A second for a mile? For a few miles? I just know that the shorter the closer, the longer the farther. Whatever.)

A chilly wind hit me and I snuggled into his arm. He wrapped both arms around my short-sleeved-bared, goosebumpy ones, kissed my cheek and whispered to me that he wanted us to always be those people that others can tell just by looking are deeply in love.
I'll take it.
Today, after some Kundalini Yoga whenever my gorgeous fiance comes sleepy eyed down the stairs, we get to tweak the wedding ceremony (it's going to be fabulous. Definitely. And yes, I did figure out a way to stream it online!), we get to go down to Colonial Heights, and he'll hole up in a coffee shop somewhere to write while I have a girl's afternoon with Melissa, an old friend from my hometown.
yay! Can't wait to see you!
Being home is strange. I keep changing and home keeps staying the same, which changes me and it all at the same time, when the two are combined. As I type it is silent besides some birds calling outside - living blocks away from a state park is a blessing, to be sure (except when the coyotes come close, no thanks, and yes, they do live in Virginia). Three nights ago my brother and T stood outside in the backyard, talking, and turned to see two big does calmly walking through our yard. They all gazed at each other, and the deer kept nonchalantly walking.
Love it.

And, as a plus, we haven't felt the house ghost in a while. I think digging up the backyard to look for her body the last time we were in town may have set her to rest, even though we didn't find anything.

Yes, I am serious. It's a long story. But the long and short of it were #1) I felt bad that a person was stuck here, and yes she was, unless T grew long hair and changed clothes really fast and it was him I saw standing at the head of the stairs last autumn and my family has just heard false noises and breathing and walking and stuff over the years, and #2) I didn't want to get married ten feet from a murdered woman's buried corpse. Call me crazy, I can't think it would be good luck.

But anyway, that's done with. Whoa.

Happy Thursday! It's set to be a great one!

This and That

2010-05-11T14:59:00.000-07:00

We made the six hour drive from Hazleton to Richmond Sunday morning - left at about 10:00 and arrived at around 4:30. It was no biggie, especially because lush green temperate forests lined the roads the entire way. How I love this landscape! I can't wait to see how amazing Portland's natural land is.

We took Mom out to an Ethiopian restaurant for Mother's Day, which she tolerated ("It was just different" = what the heck, why couldn't I just pick the restaurant?) Sure, it was a selfish gift, but Ethiopian food was certainly just MORE delicious the second time I had it, and the same may be true for her (thanks for being a good sport Mom!)

So far, the week has been spent working in the yard and catching up with family. There was an unsuccessful shopping trip today that I won't say much on, but why is it that there's an infinite number of gorgeous things when you don't need them, but when you want to pick up something specific, it's nowhere to be found? Frustrating.

But no matter. I will have shoes for the wedding, one way or the other.

Today I laid some brick under the arbor that will be where we stand during the ceremony. It was chilly and Mom had just headed back inside to get ready to meet a friend for lunch. Terry was across the yard loading up more bricks in the wheelbarrow to bring over to me, and I was on the ground, using a small stick to level earth beneath each placement of ancient bricks that are not the same width NOR length, or shape really, and I was doing that mental grumbling that you do in such situations.
Then I remembered.
My hands were covered in earth - earth that was naturally made rich and full of life by the trees above along with the other animals that I could hear twittering and chittering and calling and singing around me. I was creating a stable, firm foundation for my love and I to stand on as we make our promises to each other. In less than two weeks from now, we'll each take a winding path to meet in a way that we've preordained, to see each other and to swear to bond together and be each other's partner for life.

This was not a chore. This was a blessing.

Then we came in and made salads and watched Lost (holy sheista we're finally done with Season 5 after beginning with Season 1 a couple weeks ago - I'm dying to find out what happens! How do they just KEEP getting better and better? Genius!)

-and here I am, documenting the day. After I shut my laptop we'll talk about the ceremony and may do some stuff around the house, and I'll meditate via Haanel's Master Key System (which will get a blog post of it's own, sooner or later, good stuff there), and my little bro will eventually come home with a veggie pizza for us.

I'll be eating a salad beforehand to offset the non-rawness. Cause really, he's a driver for an amazing pizzeria around here and how can I say no to THAT.

We'll be raw again soon. Now we're just mostly that.

I'll be trying to post more as the wedding draws near, to remember later.

Happy Tuesday!

Burn

2010-05-05T04:55:00.000-07:00

The day after our arrival in PA, T and I built his parents a fire pit out of some extra paving stones left over from building their patio years ago.

It took us under an hour, was pretty easy (T told me that this was a benefit for him of marrying a descendant of stone masons and while they never officially taught me anything, I'd have to agree - I did kind of have an intuitive feel for it).

The next day when, along with his mother, we passed a pit for sale at a local store for 80 bucks, we gave ourselves a verbal pat on the back.

And since then, on every clear night we've been doing the pyro thing, s'mores included (and in case you're wondering, yes, it's extremely difficult to keep up the raw food deal up here. We do what we can, but when food is such an integral part of culture, saying no to what you're being offered just isn't right. So I for one will be going on a cleanse the minute I get down to Richmond this weekend! There's a wedding dress to fit into and a face to clear up and all...)

He graffitied the top layer with a couple of hearts and initials, which was nice.

We talked about how, although it could be easily moved or disassembled at any time, it probably wouldn't be, so we are likely to visit in five or six years, with children, and remember to them how we built this together weeks before we married. That was cool.

He shushed me just after sunset and we listened to crickets, a sound usually completely muffled by house walls. I asked him with a smirk if he knew why they were doing that, about to make some seedy red light joke because of the nature of those mating calls, when he nodded and seriously replied,
"they're singing their love songs to each other."
Ummm is it just me, or was that totally a swoon moment? (he's probably going to be mad at me for posting that for the entire eworld to see, but I don't care. It was that good.)

And it kind of made me feel like an ass for my intended bad joke, but I didn't mind. Besides, considering the songs that way rather than as red lights flashing above little cricket heads is a much better way to view things, if you ask me...

Happy Wednesday!

Chapel Chatter: Inside the Invitations

2010-05-04T07:25:00.000-07:00

I figured that now would be as good a time as any to show the invitations, that is, once they're all made, and out and in and over with... but no matter. Here they are.

We (I) decided to do them ourselves because there was a specific vision to how they would be. So I ordered heavy cardstock in greens and blues, designed an invitation insert on GIMP and had it printed over at overnightprints.com in the form of a postcard with rounded corners.

Next I got a stamp that I loved (and had used in the card design) and some embossing ink (which makes stamped images rise up off the paper once you emboss them with a heat tool), stamped green glittery trees on little squares of light green, folded dark green around the cards that I glued in place (actually T did that part), and tied those bad boys up with a ribbon (I did that part - he's not so great with the bow-tying, but that's okay. That particular thing can be a wife's job in every situation where it would arise, I think).

These are the 2nd reception invitations, the wedding ones were mostly the same, but in blues and with a different insert (one that felt a tad more formal).

And that was that! I think they ended up with the right combination of formality and fun - not too dressy, not too casual, the same way that I hope the events will be.

I can't believe there are only a couple of weeks left. What an amazing time.

Happy Tuesday!

The Drive

2010-05-02T15:41:00.000-07:00

We decided last Tuesday that it was time to head up north. The trip would be a week earlier than we'd planned, but it was still the best time. We packed up our things in boxes and luggage that afternoon and set raw bread and cauliflower “popcorn” to dehydrate overnight.

The next morning we awoke, packed the car with our boxes and luggage and baskets and loose books (as I'm a champion of nook-and-cranny packing, what would have been at least 2 or 3 boxes of books ended up not boxed at all, crammed here and there in empty spaces instead, and creating a less packed car on the way up north than we started with three months ago when we headed down to Texas, even with all the little things we'd accumulated for the wedding).

We made some chocolate pudding smoothies, leaving full ice cubes in and wrapping them, sticking them under the passenger seat to keep cold until we were ready to drink them on the drive. We filled up a couple of jars with water and packed our bread, popcorn, fruit, veggies (and almond butter for dipping), putting all these things within an arm's reach. A couple of bottles of Kombucha sitting behind our seats by the backseat air conditioner and the ipods fully charged, we began our drive at 11:30am on Wednesday.

Not bad for deciding we were hitting the road less than 24 hours previously, I figured. The drive ahead totalled twenty six hours according to Google maps and we didn't quite know what our plan was. We assumed that we may be stopping at a hotel to rest, but I pushed for not deciding yet just where to stop. We should keep going as long as we were awake enough, because if we planned now to stop we may make the trip longer than it had to be – how did we know how sleepy we'd get, and when?

I started out the drive. We switched at about 4:00, when I started to feel a little less perky, and I napped for an hour, sleeping like a log and waking up feeling wide awake and extremely chipper. We listened to playlists T had made over the past couple months, and talked about wedding stuff, the meaning of human existence, and choreography – you know, the usual.

I took back over around 9, when we stopped for gas. We also picked up a Starbucks frappuccino from the refrigerator case, for a potentially tired time ahead, and stopped for french fries. Not raw, but we had a craving to feed.

T took a nap, and I drove through the night. I loved it. Since my treks from home in Virginia to college in Florida years ago, I've always been a night driver. There's no sun glare on the windshield, the roads are clear, it's quiet, and the miles just peel by. I put on my ipod and jammed out silently (so as not to awaken my copilot). He caught me once, and I was a little embarrassed, not gonna lie. But if he's gonna marry me, I guess it's okay if he sees my dorky lip syncing.

As I drove through rolling Oklahoma then into beautiful green lush Missouri, where I could feel the Earth breathing, full of life at the new, soft Spring growth, I thought about how clearly we've been directed lately. I think this happens to everyone – there are always signs to guide you. It's just whether you see and follow them that makes the difference between a smooth and joyful life, and days filled with struggle, resistance, and frustration. And, thankfully, we've been following ours lately. May we ever continue.

I noticed a deer somewhere in the wee hours. She was young, and had obviously been hit at a high speed – probably by a truck, which were the only other vehicles on the road, really. It was dark and I only saw her for a moment, but even a glimpse of her still form, legs sprawled in an unnatural and still position indicative of a quick and painful death turned my stomach. I mourned her for the next little while as I drove, lamenting how many animals needlessly die on the roads.

A while later, maybe an hour or so, I saw another. Again, on the right side of the road, this time so mangled that the only way I knew it was a deer was because of the pure size of the thing. I thought I saw a glimpse of exposed ribcage and grimaced, trying to erase the sight from my mind – obviously unsuccessfully, because here I am writing about it days later.

I thought about signs and started to worry that perhaps I was being shown these graphic images because I was being urged to caution – was I going to share a lane with a large four legger that night? I hoped not. And I thought about how I'd never seen deer like that in that way, although I've been driving on rural roads in deer country, off and on, for as long as I've been driving at all. Perhaps this was a sign.

Now fear hit me. We were in a packed car, in the middle of nowhere. And the camry certainly isn't so big that hitting a huge deer wouldn't majorly hurt it – not to mention the emotional trauma that would result after such a thing! Oh no. I didn't want that to happen.

But, unless you have your brights on, you can't see that well. And my cruise control was set at about 67mph, slow for a 65 if you ask most people, but I didn't want a chance of being pulled, and I don't know where the speed traps are in that part of the country. But 67 was enough to be a big problem if I hit anything.

As the miles and minutes passed, I became more and more stressed. I imagined all of the scary things that could happen as a result of that type of wreck, and I got progressively more jumpy and shaken.

Eventually, I decided that this was enough. I relaxed my mind and began to pray. I prayed to the Heavely Father that this trip would be smooth, pleasant and uneventful. I prayed to the Earthly Mother that she would keep all of her creatures a safe distance away from my passing. Make any deer find a particularly yummy patch of clover so that they'd cross the road 30 seconds after my passing, please.

Was I getting through? Were my prayers being heard? I wondered and pleaded silently as I drove around a left curve beneath thick leafy trees.

And at that moment, I saw it up ahead. A gigantic, and I mean GIGANTIC, white cross. It was the size of at least a 6 or 7 story building, and built substantially with thick and geometric arms. It was uplit from beneath, giving it a large, impossible to ignore presence in the dark. I stared at it, incredulous. What the heck. And I didn't even see a church around, as you usually do by big roadside crosses. It was just THERE.

I don't normally get signs from the Christian tradition. I was raised that way, then went on my spiritual awakening journey at the end of college. I believe that God has spoken to all the peoples of the world, in ways that they could understand, and that have trickled down to traditions today that are seemingly different from each other (although, if you look beneath at the actual messages, they're all the same). I just happen to often resonate with traditions other than Christian ones.

But not that day. That was a sign about as big and blatant as you get. And, from then on, I relaxed.

And no, there was no deer. T woke up soon and we took turns driving, arriving in Hazletion at just underneath 25 hours total. Not bad.

A Visit to MM Designs

2010-04-26T12:19:00.000-07:00

When T and I spent our holidays in Pennsylvania with his family, my favorite place to go while away the afternoon was Jim Thorpe, a town about a half hour away that has a rich historical heritage, amazing architecture, and a ton of sweet shops.

During our post wedding, pre second reception week I may go up to Jim Thorpe and take a lot of town pictures to post, because really, I've never been anywhere like it.

But, back to the point.

One of the shops that I visited (and have been meaning to do a post on for the past 5 months - sorry!) was called Marianne Monteleone Design.

Marianne designs her own line of clothing and jewelry.

Her shop is delightful, not only because of the beautiful wares,

but because of the care and thought that are put into every detail.

(I was partial to the scarves, myself)

Upstairs is a darling bed and breakfast called the Suites on Broadway.

I couldn't get enough of the charm that was in every corner here.

Her guests felt the same way I did, judging by the notes left behind in her signing book...

The rooms were unique and charming.

There were even cozy balconies to have your morning coffee on (that was my favorite part)

And again, the details made the place, like old fashioned framed embroidery,

Bronzed radiators,

and signs that looked like they'd been there since Jim Thorpe was new (in a good way!)

Not a bad couple of floors to go visit, I say!

Stop by if you're ever in town, this place was a treat!

Happy Monday :)

A WHAT from that blue sky?!

2010-04-23T16:15:00.000-07:00

After an awe inspiring thunderstorm last night followed by a gloriously bright rainbow against a gray sky backdrop, today was beautiful and sunny, the world awash in impossibly bright colors.

(from the backyard, after we got home)

T and I drove down to Amarillo for some coffee shop reading and writing, and a grocery trip (organic produce is hard to come by outside the city).

Along the drive we discussed nature and thought and God and plans and timelines, until all the sudden there was a dark cloud on the right horizon.

I pointed to it as we sang along to his ipod, making a yucky face, indicating that the factory over there was polluting the beautiful day.
Ew.
Except, a moment later, I realized that the factory cloud I'd pointed to had just moved to be just next to the actual factory, rather than covering it.

...wait a second...

And another 30 seconds passed, where the mysterious "cloud" on the ground moved again -

-and then I realized. That was no cloud.

It was a tornado.

Yesiree. When my sister and I drove up to Napa for a debaucherous weekend in the spring of '08, there were tons of little twisters on the side of the road, stirring up the fields where crops were not quite beginning to appear. M is also a weekend skydiver, and has seen dust devils below her on the ground as she's floated beneath her chute, hoping to avoid one (having that fickle circular wind grab the thin material of her parachute would certainly mean injury, maybe worse).

I know what one looks like.

And that WAS one. The super clear day made most of it invisible, but we could see that wide bowl shaped funnel of thin blue-black soil from the fields where it was dancing, puffing out a thinner cloud beneath, along the surface of the ground.

And it was coming closer.

So I took a breath and said a little prayer, and by the time I was done, it was dissipating, so no worries. I learned a moment later that T had never had a minute's apprehension, but was excited to be seeing one this close. Yeah, it was close. And we saw it. Well, the bottom of it.

Then we went and had salads followed by chai tea whilst doing some reading and writing (I started perusing the Gospel of Thomas, which is awesome, just saying), and got groceries, and now we're back. No worse for wear.

But who needs caffeine when you've got a tornado filling up your windshield to wake you up?!

Not I!

Happy Friday, have a marvelous weekend, and here's today's quote:
In those days, we finally chose to walk like giants and hold the world in arms grown strong with love
And there may be many things we forget in the days to come,
But this will not be one of them.
— Brian Andreas

Such Is My Love

2010-04-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

My love is fresh and ruddy,
to be known among ten thousand.
His head is golden, purest gold,
his locks are palm fronds
and black as the raven.
His eyes are like doves
beside the water-courses,
bathing themselves in milk,
perching on a fountain-rim.
His cheeks are beds of spices,
banks sweetly scented.
His lips are lilies,
distilling pure myrrh.
His hands are golden, rounded,
set with jewels of Tarshish.
His belly a block of ivory
covered with sapphires.
His legs are alabaster columns
set in sockets of pure gold.
His appearance is that of Lebanon,
unrivalled as the cedars.
His conversation is sweetness itself,
he is altogether lovable.
Such is my love, such is my friend
~Song of Solomon, 5:10-16

....and I get to marry him one month from today.
Who's happier than me? I think you'd be hard pressed to find that girl....

Delicious

2010-04-21T14:46:00.000-07:00

I can't think of many things better than sitting with your feet up, sipping lemon water and listening to your gorgeous fiance read you love poems and scriptures and proverbs and prose as the two of you plan your wedding ceremony.

At the moment we're narrowing the readings down.

It's a good time.

Happy Wednesday!

Today's quote:
If there is any secret to this life i live, this is it: the sound of what cannot be seen sings within everything that can. and there is nothing more to it than that.
~Brian Andreas

Volcano Lightning

2010-04-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

I think we should discuss this.

image source

They say that, zoomed in really closely (of course), thoughts in our brains look like lightning storms.

image source

Who's to say the Mother (Earth) isn't alive?

Seriously.

Healthy respect, that's all I'm saying. And hopefully no volcanoes will reach over into Portland.

On that note, enjoy your day. And send a little love down beneath your feet - she's had a rough hundred years.

love,
Charis

Dear Deceased Spider in my Shower:

2010-04-19T04:50:00.000-07:00

I was dismayed to discover you there in the morning.

Your significant size signaled a sigh of relief on my part (because I would have been in quite a quandary if you had been still alive - I would have preferred to place you outside, but squeamishness and doubt about your degree of deadly or debilitating poison may have overridden my altruistic intent and made me secure a solid shoe in my grasp instead...)

You took a simple stroll with your eight furry legs sometime during the night down into the tub, never to climb out again.

I was surprised and saddened to see you, empty of a little spider soul, in that curled-leg perplexing and peculiar posture that is prevalent and particular to arachnid deaths.

Then I irreverently conducted a photo shoot, since you were so huge and I knew I'd blog about you. Consider it a memorial.

I'll utilize a broom and dustpan to deliver you to a green and grassy grave today (in the front bushes).

Now, that is, that four days have passed and I am completely and confidently convinced that you are, actually, dead.

(don't judge me. I use another shower anyway.)

Happy Monday!

Regarding Kisses

2010-04-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at 2:42pm I received an inquisitive text from Shenna, one of my best friends in high school and one of the few that I've remained close with.

S: Did U see the movie "The Wedding Singer"? Have U & Terry decided yet.... open or closed mouth kiss when U r pronounced man/wife?

C: Half open yo. Maybe a LITTLE tongue. We've been practicing!

S: See I love it how U r a progressive thinker like me! Terry is gonna fit in just fine in our circle!

C: Oh you bet your ass he is!

But no, seriously, really, we have been practicing. (I'm not complaining) It'll be between 3 and 5 seconds, no visible tongue. Cut and print.

That was your TMI for the day.

The End.

this was taken less than a week after we met...we've been practicing for awhile.

Today's quote:
Is not a kiss the very autograph of love?
~Henry Fink

Gratitude List

2010-04-13T20:26:00.000-07:00

...taken from my personal writings this evening...

I'm grateful to be doing these lists – they put me in a state of mind that I'd like to cultivate more often and intensely. Today, according to the Essenes, is the day of the Angel of Joy. I read the prayer this morning that asks the Joy Angel to descend into my body and the bodies of all people on the Earth, and most of the day has been filled with Terry's and my laughter and lovingly joyful conversation, which I'm also grateful for.

I'm grateful for our growth. We've come so far over these months that it isn't a stretch at all to say that we are actually different people. Our bodies are different – even our bodily proportions are changing. I'll have to get an entirely new wardrobe in Portland – none of my clothes fit anymore! So I'm grateful for the opportunity to be able to recreate my new self through my apparel and appearance.

As I type I smell cookies. Yesterday, a package arrived for me. It contained two small bottles of essential oil – one vanilla flavored, from organic vanilla beans that are pressed in such a way that rather than reminding you of a candle, this smells just like cooking vanilla, only more delicious. The other bottle was lavender flavored, so I've mixed them together on my wrists yesterday and today. I've finally found a smell that isn't harmful to my body (most of the perfumes on the market have dicey ingredients), and that not only describes me, but that smells really good – Terry loves the new scent, which I'm very happy about. So I'm grateful for that, the whole bundle of it. I like having a smell. I remember my mother's perfume from when I was a little girl – it felt so warm and lovely and soft, not to mention “dressy” - spraying it on was the last thing she would do when she got ready, so I thought of the smell as her all dolled up. I haven't smelled it, Avon's Far Away, in probably 15 years, yet I remember it in such detail, I bet I'd recognize it anywhere. I even remember the pink bottle with the black tassel. I'm grateful for those memories.

Today we had a wedding meeting, which included discussion on the very unconventional wedding we're planning together. We talked about entrances (I won't be walking down the aisle, rather Terry and I will be separately walking around the attendants and our paths will, combined, create a circle of sacredness and intention for this ritual, which will include the most important promises we may make in our entire life), and about other parts of the wedding – songs, prayers, the incorporation of aspects of our heritage, which combined include Native American, Celtic, Irish, African, Lebanese, and Italian. I'm grateful for the excitement and sparkle that comes with planning a completely personalized wedding. It will be a wonder, and an evening that we'll never forget.

I'm grateful to be marrying such a wonderful man, who I haven't been able to take my eyes off of all day as he changes before my very eyes through our practices and diet into the best of what he can be. I also have a deep and sweet knowledge that this will only continue. I can sit now and think about amazing growth that has happened in weeks and months to him (and I), and I know that I'll be able to do the same thing weeks, months, and years from now. I am certainly grateful for this. It's such a magical experience, to see my own and my lover's unfolding into our Real Selves.

I'm grateful that we've had the freedom and the opportunity, not to mention the supplies, to undergo this transformation. I know that, had we picked a different path for this year and not come to Texas, these growth spurts would not have happened yet.

I'm grateful for the time to come. I'm grateful that we've picked Portland, an amazing city, and I'm grateful for the joyful plans that we're making there. I'm grateful for the people now living there who will become our friends and emotional “family.” I'm grateful for the experiences we'll have on the way, and once we arrive.

Today we drove down to the city and Terry bought me an early birthday present – a beautiful flowing dress with a tropical feel to wear on our honeymoon and jewelry to go with. I'm grateful that I now have things to wear to make me feel beautiful (I do like to parade around in front of him, knowing what he sees in me). I'm grateful that my to-be husband is sincere and loving and that he always knows what to say to make me feel loved.

I'm a smidgeroo grateful that I'm about done with this list (in one minute I'll have reached the mandated 15), cause I'm a little tired. I'm grateful for my sweet dreams to come. I'm grateful for the wind chimes that I can hear outside the window. I'm grateful for those plush white linens on the bed across the room that I'm about to sink into. I'm grateful that we'll be awakening early tomorrow, to start a new daily practice of greeting the dawn. I'm grateful for the dawning of new mornings and soft, restful nights.

Now I'm off to bed, gratefully.

Adventures in Raw Cooking

2010-04-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

This weekend we tried a couple of things.

Here's the deal - I don't eat food I don't like. For instance, a half hour ago we made my very favorite chocolate pudding for lunch, only we used arugula rather than a milder tasting green, so let's just say that the flavor combination is NOT my favorite. Aware of all the nutrients that are in this funny tasting smoothie, I'm eating it, but very very slowly. Maybe it's been more like an hour.

The point of that was to say that this raw food change we've made would not be happening if we (read that to be I) didn't like what we were eating. It has to be delicious, or else I won't stick to it.

So, when we (I) have cravings for random food, I try to make it raw. And this weekend, I tried two things. The first:

source

I don't think I need to say anything more about WHY I wanted to figure this out, right?

So I thought about the ingredients: hazlenuts, oil, milk, chocolate, and a bunch of other stuff that's less important. Ok, I'll try it.

So I soaked some hazlenuts for one day, which turned out to be two days, to get them all soft and blendable.

(I also soaked cashews, which went a little fermented and I vetoed for the nutella, but I DID make a frigging amazing nacho cheese with - what do you think the milk does to make nacho cheese?)

And blended them up with store bought hazlenut milk, cacao, agave, a little stevia, and young coconut meat.

As far as nutella went, it was awful.

Really, it was very very bad. Horrible, in fact. The nuts didn't blend smoothly and it was chunky and not as rich as real nutella.

At the last moment before a trip to the trashcan, T and I noticed that the texture was very Wendy's Frosty-like.

So we put it in the freezer for awhile, and voila: DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM/FROZEN YOGURT STUFF.

Score!

The second thing was the nacho cheese, which I've already discussed. I adapted this guy's recipe by using the fermented cashews instead of macadamia nuts, and I don't know how much lemon juice I added, if any, but it was out and out AWESOME in the end.

I've tried a cashew ricotta recipe that instructed you to leave the blended cheese mixture out at room temperature overnight, to make it ferment, and it ended up tasting JUST like ricotta, only more flavorful!

So score #2!

And finally, I tried the bread I mentioned a couple posts ago. Made with sun dried tomatoes, herbs, flax seeds and almonds, among other things. And it's dehydrated for an entire 10 hours, but lemme tell you it tastes just like bread!

Score #3.

We've made some staple recipes so far, and want to be finding at least one new delicious recipe each week.

I'm looking forward to living in Portland after the wedding and inviting friends to come stay with us, pig out on delicious albeit strange food, and go home healthier than before! Gonna be good times.

On another note, I'm going to start a gratitude list. It was mentioned today on one of my favorite blogs, which you can read here. It's written by an ex-teacher and current mentor of mine, who's one of the smartest and most compassionate people I know, and who has written two amazing books which you should immediately read - they'll make your life better. And they're short, which makes them all the more readable! Anyway, on the blog today he spoke of organ donors who cultivated a practice of spending 15 minutes a day writing a list of things they were grateful for. They recovered from the donations sooner AND with less complications. I'd be willing to bet that their internal happiness state elevated quite a bit too as a result.

And as I'm healthy already (haven't donated any organs recently), how much more beneficial would it be?

(the same goes for everyone reading this. And I do think it would also work if you divided it up into three 5 minutes sessions a day, so for those of you sitting at your desks at work reading this, DO IT three times a day. It's 5 minutes. And it'll make you happier and more productive, even at your job. Scribble on a piece of computer paper and keep it in your drawer. Totally doable).

So, I'll be posting it from time to time.

Happy Sunday!

Chapel Chatter: Not So Fine Fittings, otherwise entitled Is That A Bridezilla I See In the Mirror?

2010-04-09T15:31:00.000-07:00

I've learned a valuable lesson this week and it is that yes, sometimes, you absolutely do, in order to be a functional and fulfilled and healthy human being, have to be a bitch.

(enter my realization that there is a time and place for every bridezilla to emerge)

Before I begin my story, let me just say that if you live in Amarillo, TX, do not, I repeat - DO NOT - get anything of value altered at Sara's Alterations on 34th and Bell. Sure, get your pants hemmed there. But if this is a piece of clothing that means something to you,

run the other way.

(screaming is optional, but recommended. If you scream a four letter word or two, I won't judge you. In fact, I did the same thing myself, in the comfort of my own closet, on the phone with my mother, yes, but I did...)

If you read my blog on any sort of repeated basis, you'll know that I don't talk much smack. I don't badmouth anyone and try to do the same for anything - in fact, I was sent a book last summer and asked to review it for a publishing company, and after I realized it was horrendous and I'd be lying if I said anything positive about it, I contacted the publisher and told them that I wasn't comfortable giving the review - I say that if you can't say anything nice, keep those typing fingers still. So they sent me a better book to review. :)

Case in point, that's why I didn't mention that I saw the Wolfman movie on its opening weekend, which just happened to be Valentine's Day this year, I believe. That's cause it was awful. And I'm saying this now, cause I think if you haven't seen the movie you won't see it, I'm not influencing you.

It's my belief that we're pulled in the directions we travel because of good feelings - attraction, intrigue, curiosity, beauty. I don't think we should spend a moment idly thinking about bad stuff, because that just attracts it into our lives. You know, we've all seen The Secret. Those principles.

But.

In the interest of honesty and of giving you snapshots into my life (after all, isn't that one of the points of blogging at all?) and so I don't have to repeat this story a gazillion times for my friends who read this blog, and because, as I said, God forbid that ANY other bride-to-be go through this bunch of baloney, I'm about to tell you all the gory details.

I was advised to go to Sara's Alterations because of a friend who says she's good (it's an individually owned place). I don't know, however, whether my friend has gotten any dresses or formal attire altered there...I'll have to check.

Anyway, since we've spent the spring in Texas, far away from the wedding in Virginia, I brought my dress with me, to get it altered down here.

I'd gotten it made nearly in my size already (not exactly though because of weightage I'd gained over the rich-food holidays), but the main problem was that I have an extremely high waist that you could either say is Fantasia fairy style,or Olive Oil style,
depending on how you look at it.

So all the dress needed was to have the waist raised. Yes, it was a little tight too, but hello, it's SUPPOSED to be tight in the way that it was, and I was about to lose a bunch of weight via raw, vegan food (and yeppers, I've lost just about 20 lbs. I think I'm evening out now, no weight loss in over a week, however only my yoga clothes and maxi dresses fit anymore so it's time to go shopping...)

So I go in, try on the dress for her, describe how only the weight needs to be raised, point, here and here and there,

and she shakes her head. No, she tells me, it's too small. It needs to be let out some.

Okay. Here's where MY lesson came in. Throughout this process, I've learned that I need to stick up for myself. In this situation, I figured that she, as a professional seamstress, knew more than me. And you'll see what happened.

So, I go back when she tells me to, a couple weeks later. Yep, I make the hour and a half drive to Amarillo, and the dress isn't ready.
REALLY?
My number is right there on the card attached to the dress hanger. She couldn't have called me and told me not to come?

But I didn't worry, she was backed up, it's Spring and prom time and all that. I came back the next week, and tried on the dress.

And of course, it didn't fit at all. Not a lick better than it had been before, just different.

But she steamrolled me again, told me what it needed, DIDN'T LISTEN TO WHAT I SAID, and I left.

A few weeks later, a THIRD trip, and this time I also brought in my reception dress (for the 2nd reception a week after the wedding, that'll be in my fiance's home town in PA), which just needed to be taken in a little. And sure enough, this time the dress STILL didn't fit, and she still didn't really listen, and not only that, but SHE was put out that I wasn't ready to take it home!

So I left both the dresses after she pinned the second one to be taken in (yes, I know this was a stupid moment on my part but I'm not from here and would have no clue about where else to go).

Come back next week.
Okay.

So I go back, and only the first dress is ready. Again, she couldn't have given me a call? I would have just waited!

But I took it, and T's pants to his wedding attire which had needed to be hemmed (and were fine, I assume), and went home.

I did try it on again once I got home and I'll be honest, I don't like it. There are creases where there shouldn't be and space where things should be tight. There's tightness where things shouldn't be. It's just not good work, especially considering how many times I had to go back.

OH. And not only that, but she charged me nearly what the entire dress COST. I didn't think much of it (although as she told me the price, she looked at me sideways and seemed to say "I'm being defensive about the price in case you contest it because I think you will because I'm WAY overcharging you - are you going to say anything?")

I'm sorry. I didn't know I was supposed to HAGGLE WITH MY FRIGGIN SEAMSTRESS. My bad! I thought, you know, you do a service, tell me what it's worth, and I pay you. I don't expect to be cheated and I REALLY don't like it.

So, the following week, which was yesterday, I called HER in the morning to make sure my dress was ready before I made the drive. In looking for her number online, I found her website with the price list of her services.

Wanna know what I found out?

That, according to her OWN price list, she charged me more than double what it should have cost to alter my wedding dress, EVEN if she had re-charged me for each of my visits.

Not cool.

And when I mentioned the price list online during our phone conversation, she instantly got defensive and confrontational. If she'd been above board, why the panic attack? I was calm. She started going nuts. Obviously something was up.

So we hurried down to Amarillo, to pick up the dress. T came with me this time, and I could tell she was a bit intimidated (which I'm ashamed to say, made me happy) by his straightforward manner and gaze.

(my, how I love my fiance)

First, she said I was there early, when I'd come at the time she'd given me. I said I'd just take the dress as it was (she said it wasn't finished), and after she disappeared into the back for awhile, she emerged and asked if we could wait 15 minutes for her to finish the dress.

We thought about it, and agreed. Yes, I may have to take it somewhere else, but I might not, and so what's 15 minutes?

She brought the dress out after awhile and hung it up. No thanks, I wouldn't be trying it on, I'd just take it. What was the total?

Again, a gross overcharge but this time she came out with an hourly rate that wasn't listed anywhere, or even mentioned, and can totally be faked, obviously (and probably was, since I doubt she started working on my dress before the day I picked it up).

So I wrote a check, loaded the dress into the back seat, and we went home. I was just relieved to have it in my hands.

After we got to the house, I put our groceries away, washed off my makeup (I have a newfound obsession with sunbathing in the warm afternoons. It's not the tan, it's the AWESOMENESS - my body is loving the sun lately, I just feel so calm and relaxed and healthy when I'm lying there, soaking up rays. The tan doesn't hurt though), and before I went out, decided to try on my dress I'd just picked up.

Here's the kicker.

At the top of a side seam under my right arm, a two inch piece was taken in so much that there wasn't a HOPE of zipping the dress.

Now I see what she'd been doing for that last 15 minutes.

My frame may have slimmed a bit, but there is no way my ribcage has expanded by three inches in the past two weeks.

Dirty.

So, I promptly went online and stopped payment on the check I'd written that day and sent her an email. Now I'm in the process of reporting her to the Better Business Bureau (say that 5 times fast) in Amarillo.

Drama!

On a bright note, when I called my mother hysterical because of lost months and hundreds of dollars, she informed me that just this weekend, she'd been at a party at the house of our wedding caterer, who's also a friend of hers. His sister is a seamstress. Mom called her last night and she said that sure, this happens all the time, it's no big deal, and at the two week prewedding mark that I'll arrive in Richmond on, I can bring in the dresses and she can fix them.

What's the moral of this story? Well, there are two.
#1) When you know about your OWN stuff, don't let someone steamroll you and tell you that you're wrong. This goes for teachers, doctors, and especially seamstresses. I've had each of them proved completely wrong before, and not without a fight.

#2) It's no biggie. Every difficulty is an opportunity for us to learn and grow. As soon as you figure out what the lesson is, fixing the problem falls into place.

And an added moral: Sometimes you need to be a bridezilla. I wasn't this time, and wish I had been. But considering how smooth this whole wedding planning business has been, I think that I'll take it :)

Happy Friday! Go enjoy your weekend, I'll be laying in the sun!

Greens

2010-04-07T12:22:00.000-07:00

I was writing a post last night all about our day trip to Amarillo yesterday, and how we gorged on potato chips (decidedly neither raw NOR vegan ones), and how it put me in not-so-nice of a mood AND bellyache, but by the time the post was done it was really long and grumpy, and (gasp) a tad preachy, so I won't post it.

In fact, it's getting deleted as soon as I put this replacer up.

We like to focus on the goodies around here!

Which is why I will post the following picture, of when I was trying to offset the greasy delicious disgustingness of potato chips in my tummy on the ride home:And also why I'm now drinking a glass of forest green liquid, which is, to be specific, juiced celery, cilantro, and lime.

It's not very good.
Don't do it.

"I've decided one thing," I told T as we stood at the kitchen island, sipping our pond moss looking drinks. "I'm all about going raw. But I refuse to force myself to eat things that don't taste good."

He nodded.

We're in agreement. Lovely. (I'll start soaking the flax seeds tomorrow morning for some yummy flax seed crackers that just taste like really good tortilla chips, and this time we're adding the spinach pulp from these nasty drinks, to make things more interesting)

Happy Wednesday!

Today's quote:
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
~George Bernard Shaw

Day at the Park

2010-04-05T13:28:00.000-07:00

Spring has arrived and overnight there are new colors draped over the world!
We drink our water out of mason jars now - it keeps water cool, once you do it for awhile you totally taste how oily and plasticky water from water bottles is, and there's enough space to squeeze a lime in! (hence the floaties you see above)...
Dandelions by the park bridge
Our trusty white blanket - it's been well loved, and has the grass stains to prove it...
Lots of reading and writing today.
(have I mentioned how cool copper bracelets are? They're also very good for you. Google the benefits of copper and see for yourself. We got these for $5 at the mall a monthish ago and have worn them ever since)
Today's quote:
Man's heart away from Nature becomes hard.
~Standing Bear

In other news, our wedding site is finally up. Yay!

Chapel Chatter: Ringing

2010-04-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

This beauty arrived this morning.
It's gorgeous, and fits so well that it's lit a fire under me to get my engagement ring resized and reset (I don't like how high the stones are, they get caught on things, and I want them nestled down into the band more).

But, rather than focusing on what I need to do, I'll do a little text-based jump for joy that my ring has finally arrived.
hear that? It was my imaginary feet hitting the imaginary floor after my imaginary jump.
Yay.

I promised T that I wouldn't try it on again (after the initial check to make sure it fit), so here's another, not-trying-it-on view:
Right now I have a doctored up version of these, with more herbs and some minced garlic added, and the crust for this in the dehydrating oven. Gonna make this guacamole tonight, and once I pick up some more almonds, I'm trying this for the first time. Deliciousness.

Happy Friday!

Body

2010-03-31T16:35:00.001-07:00

...from my personal writings, usually separate from blogging...

Our bodies are changing. And I don't mean just because we're losing weight, which is definitely happening too. We arrived in Texas pudgy and unhappy, feeling stuck and stiff physically. Terry had terrible dark circles under his eyes, and my body had curves which it may never have had before and that I certainly did not want there. We began to eat healthier, quickly jumping back into a vegetarian diet (which had been compromised by dinners and lunches at Mom-mom's, Terry's maternal grandmother who loves via food's, house on Thursdays and Sundays), then into a vegan diet, which hadn't been particularly firm or consistent to begin with, and had flown in Richmond and Pennsylvania through pizza and french fries with cheese and ice cream and such. We discovered hazlenut milk (delicious) and are still working on the perfect cashew cheese, which is narrowing down. And we started nearly daily yoga.

That said, we were feeling healthier, but not losing much weight. Then, after more reading, we decided to go raw. And not only that, but we decided to do that adventurous apple fast/gall bladder cleanse of two weeks ago. And that's when the pounds started melting off.

Daily we'd lose weight, and during the apple fast, we weren't even exercising, to avoid overtaxing our bodies (we figured they were working hard as it was). Terry shed pounds and so did I. At the end of the fast, he was at about 153 and I was at about 92. I haven't weighed that much since high school. And I'm not even trying to lose weight!

When we eat, we eat living foods, ones that naturally have digestive enzymes that haven't gotten killed via cooking so that our bodies can convert easily to energy and that we don't store as fat. No dairy means none of the associated mucous production that was so obvious within ten seconds of when Terry had a sip of chocolate milk a few weeks ago.

Usually, when I would give in to my sweets cravings (which I have LOTS of), I'd bargain with myself, figuring out just how bad this was for my body, thinking of how I'd offset that. Today, after lunch, as I was walking back to our room where we were watching Star Wars (it makes much more sense to me now, and what creativity George Lucas had! He was on the mark about so many things!), carrying our dessert of two chocolate mockaroons and a big glass of creamy rice milk, it finally hit me. My mind started to do that bargaining and figuring thing, and I realized. This was GOOD for me. I was about to eat superfoods. The mockaroons are called that (instead of macaroons) because they're made with organic raw cacao powder, shredded raw coconut, honey and/or agave nectar, and coconut butter (there may be other things, I can't recall right now). The ingredients are formed into balls and dehydrated for a day or two, but Terry and I grab them out of the dehydrator along the way and have delicious gooey chocolatey treats reminiscent of half done brownies, which I've always loved. And not only do I not have to pay for it, my body THANKS me! Those are all good fats and beneficial nutrients! A completely different approach to food, this is. And I'm loving it.

Slowly, I'm beginning to not recognize things like bread and meat as food. Seeds and nuts and fruits and greens are food, and what is bread? Grass seeds cooked and ground into powder, then mixed with a bunch of other things into a goo, and cooked until tiny holes foam up and it stays frozen that way, permanently, and is considered yummy. Meat? Muscle tissue. Of abused and tortured and poisoned animals. Not exactly delicious.

And we're still losing weight. Today Terry weighed in at 148 and I weighed in at 90. I think we'll probably even out soon, and our bodies will form the way they're supposed to be formed – after all, I eat plenty of fats. Today, so far, I've had an entire avocado (loaded with good fats), a mockaroon, which is the same, and for dinner I'll have cauliflower doused in spices like salt, pepper, dulse, cumin, and dipped in organic barbecue sauce and vegenaise, followed by a dessert of chocolate pudding made from greens, avocado, organic coconut milk creamer, agave and/or honey, and raw cacao. It tastes just like chocolate pudding and it's a recipe that Terry and I came up with ourselves (and are very proud of!).

In his Superfoods book, Wolfe says that at some point it's a good idea to go on an extended (two weeks or a bit longer) juice fast to clear out ALL toxins. That would also clear off all body fat, because that's where toxins are stored, so we'd be looking pretty emaciated. But afterwards, once you reintroduce fats, your body builds itself again from the bottom up, the way you SHOULD be. So, there are 7 weeks til the wedding. If we do the juice fast soon, we'll have a month to put back on healthy fat and not terrify everyone at the wedding by looking half starved. I like it.

Yesterday we walked through the grocery store and I saw a headline on one of those check-out rack magazines that said something about celebrity diets, ones that REALLY work. I laughed, thinking of how many women try and cry and weigh and measure, when they could just be on a raw diet and see the pounds fall off, as they ate delicious and satisfying food. Lately I've been stuffing myself every night, around 9:30pm, when my hunger kicks in if I don't go to bed, and I'm still LOSING weight. How far we've come from what the Heavenly Father and Earthly Mother intended for their children...

added note: you may be alarmed by my pound report. However, we don't look unhealthy at all. I'm 5'3" and Terry's 5'8". We look lean, thin, and toned. Because there's a shortage of info about raw eating from people who aren't already extremely well versed in it, we plan to start blogging pretty soon and posting pics of our weekly bodies, to show the changes. Wolfe says that, after all toxins are removed from the body, the bone structure of the face may even change as potentials for health and form turn into realities in health and form. So we'll see. But don't worry. We're not anorexic :) And we feel amazing. More energy and joy than ever before experienced, for my part. Maybe there's something TO this stuff, huh?

Checking In

2010-03-28T19:22:00.000-07:00

I've been a terrible blogger lately.

Yes, I know.

And I'm sorry. I know that my internetey friends may have found greener and wordier pastures and my 3-D life friends are probably wondering if I'm still alive, because I'm not all that great at the phoning thing lately.

As I type this post I'm waiting for my veil to dry - every 20 minutes I go into the bathroom where it's spread on the floor, freshly cut, waiting for that glue stuff that keeps the edges from fraying. A little less than classic, yes, but I like it. My dress is so ornate that I think the simplest veil possible will be perfect. And this one is white and shimmery and gorgeous in fabric alone - why mess with a good thing?

As I wait I'm also shopping for wedding earrings. Blue roses have a special significance for us, and I've seen so many lovely choices! For example, here are a few that caught my eye while searching on google:

I just got a message back that this shopkeeper may be making me a special, personalized pair. Can't wait!

T is across the room, working on our wedding slideshow. Here's a little preview for you (yes, the second one is me. I didn't have hair til I was 3....let's hope the one-day children get T's follicles...)
Tomorrow I'll have more updates, if I get around to writing. It's a busy one, this life!

Happy Week Start!

Today's quote:
"Human beings, you and I, are goal-centered organisms. We are teleological in that we are motivated by purposes, by desired end states. We are engineered mentally to move progressively and successively from one goal to the next, and we are never really happy unless, and until, we are moving toward the accomplishment of something that is important to us."
~Brian Tracy

Awesome Apple Fast: Days 4 & 5

2010-03-20T17:03:00.000-07:00

Alrighty so let's discuss how this went.

On the morning of Day 4, which was Thursday, I woke up filled with energy and optimism.

It was a great day.

The sun was shining (or would be soon...I get up early).

My body felt amazing - I've never felt so clean and good!

Today was the last day of the cleanse, so, after some unpleasantness in the afternoon,

I'd be able to eat tomorrow.

Awesome.

So I went on my merry little way, preparing for the wedding, sending out emails, working on lots of new and very VERY exciting changes going on around here (stay tuned, lots of posts to come), drank some apple sauce/juice (which is what you get when you juice apples yourself), and then 3:00pm rolled around.

It was time.

(scary)

T and I filed into the kitchen. I meticulously measured out our olive oil - 6 ounces for me, and 8 for him (he was optimistic).

He squeezed lemon juice for us, the same amounts for each.

I went and got his computer to video record this momentous occasion (which video promptly deleted itself - weird, but true, and I'm kinda glad about that).

We tried to wrap our arms wedding-toast style, but were too paranoid about what we'd do after taking the first sip of olive oil, so we just faced each other instead.

After a clink, and a count down, bottoms up.

Oh.

My.

GOSH.

Seriously? Seriously. I am all for cleanses - with how amazing this one felt, I'm all about doing a different cleanse a month til all my body organs are spic and span, but I will not lie to you.

It was probably the worst thing I've ever experienced.

If I believed that Hell was a place where you have to do the most unpleasant thing imaginable forever, I'd be sitting there with a never-ending glass of amber olive oil.

It was really THAT bad.

I can't even describe it. It isn't that the taste is terrible, I mean, it tastes like olive oil. If you've ever taken a tequila shot (guilty, of course) then this is child's play. The problem is the TEXTURE. Your throat doesn't like it. And after 3.5 days of only apple juice, your stomach isn't a fan of the incredible richness either.

Really, it was horror of horrors horribleawefuldisGUUUSting. I asked Terry (only half joking) whether he thought David Wolfe put that in the book just to make his readers feel inadequate compared to him - I mean, he didn't even warn you about the terribleness, does that mean he can just sip it with a smile? If so, I suck in comparison. Maybe this is his raw foodism scheme to take over the world, psychologically.

I don't believe that. But, if he can drink that with no problems, he's a better human than I. Or a worse one. Depends on how you look at it.

We tried straws. (which worked better for me than T)

We tried to, since we were filming, pretend that we were doing a commercial and that the drink was delicious. I mean, I'm sure people have to do that sometimes. What about cooking shows? They ALWAYS look like that stuff tastes amazing. And I know from experience after trying their recipes, that those faces are faked at least some of the time.

That didn't work.

In the end, Terry downed his entire glass (I'm getting queasy just typing about it). I, on the other hand, could only get 4 ounces down. We figured that since I'm pretty small and light (under 100lbs), this was probably fine.

So we followed up with the lemon juice, during which T made faces I've never seen on a human before and that were highly entertaining, and put on our inventive liver compresses, which consisted of cloths with warm castor oil on them, against our livers, under a layer of plastic wrap that wound twice around our torsos. Awesome. (and sweaty, ew).

We laid in bed, on our right sides, with the mattress heater on, and watched movies - a little of Alien, then some of As Good As it Gets - about then T got sleepy so I watched some Gossip Girl and videos on wedding hair (very interesting, notsomuch, but necessary).

As the sun went down, we got lethargic and weird and T got downright sick. He was bad off. Just goes to show you, listen to your body! Don't force yourself to finish the doggone olive oil! Be like me, and once you start dry heaving, PUT THE GLASS DOWN.

Anyway.

And, as for the passing of the gall bladder stones, did it happen on the morning of Day 5?

Yes.

No, it wasn't painful at all. I won't go into specifics cause that's a little TOO much detail for a random googler who's ended up on my blog, but feel free to email me if you have questions.

We spent the day Friday in the city, going to a dress fitting for me and running errands and breaking our fast with Mexican food over at Ruby Tequilas -

-NOT a good idea. I felt so polluted after I left that place. No offence to RT, I just think I'm off cooked food.

I've been so spoiled with my mental acuity and mood and energy and physique, and now that I've successfully formulated a delicious flax cracker recipe to curb my tortilla chip addiction (for a later post, that), I'm on my way.

I will miss that quinoa bread though. Make a loaf, have it with honey for me. YUM.

I'm off to google raw bread recipes....

Happy Weekend!

Awesome Apple Fast, Day 3 report

2010-03-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

Well, another day has passed on the fast!

(and it went by quickly too)

I spent the day cross-legged on the floor, embellishing invitations and tying ribbon (pics to come soon).

This morning, upon awakening, I felt amazing. I'm serious. I wasn't hungry at all. The interesting thing about eating raw, fresh, organic food and doing cleanses and such is that after you go through the withdrawal, you feel great. Energy is up, mood is great, body rocks (I have "flu abs", or so I told my friend Bebe today - you know when you get the flu, but look awesome afterwards? Yeah, I have those, but healthy.), thoughts are clearer, and there are a whole bunch of other great side effects.

NOT, however, that you should fast all the time - that would deprive you of stuff you need. But, once in a while? As a cleanse? To give your digestive system and such a break? Very smart.

Toward late morning I'd get a little light headed if I stood up too fast - there was that low blood sugar. I'm also not doing my daily morning yoga (which I loooooooooooooooooove) during the cleanse to give my body lots of time and energy to clean out everything that ought to go (acne included, we hope), and that could be part of the lightheadedness. I miss the yoga though, and can't WAIT til Friday when I can do it again. I've only had this practice for a couple of weeks, and already my body is changing, no joke. Who'd've ever thunk I'd be able to do the wheel pose these days?

image source

And yet, after a few days, I could. Amazing. My balance has improved, my mood certainly has, and I just don't feel right when I miss it in the morning. Not to mention the fact that it's a challenge, and I know that by the time I can do this series without breaking a sweat I'll be in fanfreakingtastic shape. That day has not arrived. Maybe in a month. Or two.

But, back to the cleanse.

So this evening, after our last apple juice glasses were empty for the day, T and I laid in bed with the mattress heater on (I was shivering, which was better than this morning, where I felt as if I were drunk after my first glass of apple juice on an empty and lightheaded stomach - I celebrated St. Patty's day after all!). We were fantasizing about food. We talked about recipes for Friday (which will be the first day off the cleanse, and also when we get to go and take a look at my dress, to see if the alterations are done! YAY!). We're planning to make lots of delicious things to welcome us back to the eating person's world.

I'd never done a real fast like this before, and although I was excited, I was also a little nervous. Could I do it? Would I turn into a bitchy monster?

The answers were yes, and occasionally. (Sorry, T.)

Tonight we have to take herbal laxatives (not attractive, but we're all honesty on this blog), and tomorrow at 3:00, after not having any juice for at least two hours, we have to drink 6-8 ounces of straight olive oil followed by the same amount of straight lemon juice.

Scary?

yes.

Am I fascinated too, to see what the heck happens?

absolutely.

Then, we take another laxative, lie in bed for the rest of the day on our side with a compress over our livers, and wait it out (we'll be watching James Cameron movies, if you're wondering. Random, I know. But we saw a TED talk of his today and made the decision then.

Then, Friday morning, supposedly we'll eliminate gall bladder stones from our body. Apparently anyone who's regularly eaten meat and dairy over the course of their life has them. You have from 300-1500, and they range in size from smaller than a bell pepper seed to the size of a (freaking) brazil nut, according to David Wolfe. (Again, scary, and strangely fascinating). My only thought is, good lord get that outta me! So there you go. Looking forward to Friday.

And tomorrow as well, other than guzzling down a glass of olive oil. Gulp.

Happy St. Patty's Day! Have a green beer for me!

Awesome Apple Fast: Days 1 & 2

2010-03-16T17:11:00.000-07:00

image source

I don't know if y'all would automatically know what a fast is, at least in the sense that I'm doing one right now. Of course, Lent is upon us so I'm sure some of you are familiar with the concept of fasting (which isn't why I'm doing it, but it is a charming coincidence).

Just in case, answers.com defines a fast as simply "abstention from eating." (that's an awfully hard core definition, and no, obviously cause of the picture above, I'm not going that far...). Antonyms, according to the same site are "binge, eating, engorgement, and feast." So there you go.

So back to the fast. T and I have been reading an excellent book by David Wolfe (a nutritional guru) when it comes to raw, living, and super foods. Here's the link on Amazon.

This particular fast, which is officially a gall bladder cleanse (which supposedly supercharges liver function and other things that are healthily awesome), consists of first, three days of eating nothing but freshly juiced apples and water.

That's it.

We're currently on Day 2, and so far, it's not that bad. Of course, gorging on Mexican food and chocolate chip cookies (gluten free, of course) on Sunday night due to a fear of the cleanse's start on Monday morning probably made yesterday an easier day than it might have been otherwise. Our bodies were still going off of the huge overeating Sunday. That's cheating, by the way.

But back to the cleanse - yesterday and today I spent all day (and I do mean All. Day.) working on wedding invitations and reception invitations - all in all, I have to make roughly 200 total, and there's lots of ripping and gluing and stamping and embossing and ribbon tying and such involved, so my fingers are tired and the rest of me is slightly cranky.

For me, right about now is the hardest part. My clock reads 7:23pm, and right now is my "hungry time" because I ordinarily do my major eating at dinner time. In fact, that's usually my only real meal of the day - the rest is made up of grazing here and there - a handful of sunflower seeds or pine nuts, a date, an apple, a handful of spinach, that type of thing.

You may be wondering WHY in the heck we're doing this, but actually I'm pretty excited about it. We're mostly raw anyway already, and this type of cleanse helps you get out the yuckies in your body that have accumulated over a lifetime of eating meat and dairy. In this case, it's gall bladder stones, that should be eliminated on Day 5, or Friday, morning. On the afternoon of Day 4, the fast is broken by a glass of olive oil followed by a glass of lemon juice. I'm thinking that'll be the hardest part. But eating raw food makes me feel amazing overall (as it will you too, after the initial struggle) and I'm painfully aware that these feelings I'm having about potato chips and guacamole and cookies are basically drug withdrawal. (If I sound crazy, buy the book - it explains everything).

All in all, it's a good thing. I just happen to be in my hungry time. Ask me again tomorrow morning :)

Chapel Chatter: Unofficial Wedding Song

2010-03-12T12:39:00.000-08:00

No, this isn't our actual wedding song. That's a surprise.

Instead, this is the song that, if it weren't so corny (sad, but true), would probably have won the wedding song contest.

Enjoy!

(no, the video isn't my favorite, but Jeffrey Gaines' version of this song rocks. Don't deny it.)

Movie Review: Alice in Wonderland

2010-03-10T08:30:00.001-08:00

Last night we saw Alice in Wonderland, and in 3D - always a better option, when available, if you ask me. Sure, maybe the glasses gave me a slight headache for time to time, but it was worth it to jump out of my seat (yes, literally) at the scary parts as the head of some monster or another came off the screen and filled up half the movie theater!

But about the movie.
As you probably know, it was directed by Tim Burton, and his quirky, beautiful, and slightly disconcerting style was fully present. Every scene was breathtaking in its color, detail, and the strange emotions it evoked - from Alice's frightening fall down the rabbit hole (whatever happened to that piano, anyway?) to your first glimpses of Wonderland (actually "Underland" in the movie - makes sense!) I always got the impression that I couldn't see enough before the shot changed - I was constantly sure I was missing something because of all that was constantly going on. It was obvious that SO much time and consideration was put into the making of this film.
The movie begins with Alice in the ordinary world, the same way it did in the book and in the cartoon Disney classic. I do have one thing to say about this - and that is that if you're expecting it to be like either of those, you'll be surprised. I went in thinking that it was going to be more like the book than it was.

Not that I'm complaining, though! The twists and turns of the plot (not to mention the hidden lessons there, having do with current situations going on if you ask me) were highly entertaining and kept me riveted on the screen.

As I said before, I had to jump a few times and T may have lost circulation in a couple of fingers from fearful hand-squeezing on my part, but he's used to that after Avatar.

The performances in the movie were amazing. Mia Wasikowska, who played Alice, kept a light hearted but thoughtful face on during most of the film. She reacted like I'm sure a lot of us do in dreams (which, of course, the character assumed her time in Wonderland to be, after all, she wasn't exactly a little girl). Helena Bonham Carter was crisp and delightfully off-balance as the Red Queen, who you couldn't help but feel sorry for as you wanted her to lose, and Anne Hathaway was lovely and strange as the White Queen (who I recall being much more loopy in the book - I really liked how the loopiness was just an act for the character in this movie, and underneath the vacant expression was a lot more depth and strength than may be expected). And Johnny Depp - what is there to say? As always flawless, endearing, and in this movie, a little spooky from time to time.

So, for the big question, should you see this movie?

Answer: Absolutely! It'll be a good time, and it may make you think. Or it may not, but you'll be entertained either way. And I promise that the headache fades as soon as you take the glasses off, so if you can, see it in 3-D!

Today's quote:
Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others. ~Jonathan Winters

Chapel Chatter: Flowers in Her Hair

2010-03-05T13:38:00.000-08:00

So, technically, this doesn't matter as far as creating bad luck before the wedding because
1) it's not really my dress, and
2) even if it were, it's for the 2nd reception anyway!

This weekend I finalized my order for this beauty:
Isn't it lovely?
Just the perfect thing for my (if you shouldn't be seeing the dress - you know who you are, don't click here) dress!

Brandi over at silver pencils is wonderful - she's quick, friendly, worked with me SO sweetly when making my custom flower, and has a great blog with gorgeous travel pics to boot! Definitely go check out her shop for adorable designs at nice prices!

Hope you all are having a lovely Monday. It's raining here, and I have a full day ahead of sitting in a chair working on my dissertation and tearing, gluing, tying and embellishing wedding invitations. I'll post about 'em eventually.

Till then, happy in-like-a-lion month! He's roaring away here, just listen to that thunder!

today's quote:
Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.
~John Ruskin

Return to Nature

2010-03-02T11:23:00.000-08:00

(this is an excerpt from my daily personal writing, which no one normally gets a peek at other than my mentor and on occasion, T. However, today's pages were calling out to me to cut 'em and paste 'em here, so here you are...)
I long to be outside. Not anywhere particular, just out, in the sun, feeling the breeze, hearing the animals, and all similar such stuff. There is a major problem here though.

I haven't spent aimless time outside since I was a little girl, and I can honestly say that I don't know how to do it.

Up til now, I was satisfied with being indoors constantly, with the fluorescent lighting and recycled air and yucky radiation coming from appliances (yep, you guessed it – hairdryers too) and chemicals from household products, personal products, and everything between. I had no clue any of this was around. Since I can remember, I've been bombarded by all these things (I won't even go into the constant harmful noise that's there, just beyond your attention) until now after years of the constants of that environment, I'm completely unaware of them. Well, not completely, not anymore. Now I'm aware. But I'm still afraid to go out.

Yes, afraid. I think that's a good word to describe the feeling I have. The trepidation about bugs, about winds that are too strong, about people looking at me strangely if I make a spot in the yard my own by sitting there for too long (what is she doing?). About grass stains on my clothes. Heck, after the reading I've been doing, I'm even nervous about crushing grass stems when I sit or lie on them. Goodness knows that, technically, there's really not much point to a blanket – it just keeps grass from receiving life-giving light where the area your body would take up wouldn't cause that much damage as an entire blanket would, and as we all, who've ever picnicked know, they don't keep the bugs off anyway.

It's a silly thing, that going outside in Nature, where we all originated, would hold such anxiety and a multitude of preparational thoughts to just go and hang out. I'm sure that anyone who'd never stepped foot indoors, or who hadn't spent more than an hour or two indoors at any time in the past several years, may feel the same way. Certainly it would feel as if your life were being cut off, if you couldn't hear the “heartbeat” - all the rhythms and noises of your Mother, who you never actually leave (aka, the Earth, Gaia, whatev you wanna call it).

When I was little, I remember being outside most of the time. When it was warm enough to go out, it was too also often hot and boring to be indoors. You can't read books all the time, and besides, there are places you can go to escape out there.

When we lived on Carroll Street, in the two story white wooden house where rats and/or squirrels lived in the wall and would scratch, scratch, scratch a couple inches from our ears just beyond the wood paneling at night, there was a tree that I hung out with.

It was outside, to the left of our porch if you were looking at the house. The “driveway” was there, although we always parked out front anyway, so it was a quiet spot. Brush and other trees were growing between our property and the lumber yard next door, and right on the edge, next to the fence made by this flora, was the tree.

It had a knot where a branch had been cut off a long time ago, and which still oozed sap sometimes. In retrospect, I guess it didn't heal all that cleanly. I would climb up to a spot where the two main branches forked off of the trunk and sit for a long time, seeing the sun shine down between the leaves, feeling the breeze against my skin, and feeling so at home there. That, in fact, may have been a place that felt the most like a real home to me over the course of my entire childhood.

Years ago someone had put a chain around the trunk, maybe to keep a dog tied up – people did that a lot in the South. You never think about how sucky it must be for the dog, usually because they're mean and bark at you. You're just glad that they are chained there, and can't rip a chunk out of your leg. But I guess I'd be pretty ornery too if I had to stay three feet from the same spot all the time. Some people never unchained their dogs. Yuck.

Anyway, a chain had been put around the tree long ago and now, because the tree had grown, its bark buckled and strained around the chain which grew ever tighter as the tree grew ever larger. I'd pry at it with my fingers, trying to get it loose, unable to. I asked my Dad to help once, but he was too busy (he probably didn't have a tool that could cut through the thick chain or the thicker lock anyway – I should have asked more people, as some of my relatives were bound to have something that could help). I remember looking at that painful metal, cutting into the tree, and feeling so hopeless and helpless. I knew it hurt. As I type now, the emotion comes rushing back to me and I'm feeling still guilty, wondering what would happen if, the next time I'm in Virginia, I go up to that property with a big chain cutter – would anyone mind? Would they think I was a crazy person? Would it matter?

Anyway, I never got the chain off. And by the time we moved, I was getting more interested in inside, teenage girl things like makeup and lacy bras and hair spray. But now, I'd like to get outside again.

It seems I probably should have been doing that the whole time anyway. But now, going outside isn't natural at all anymore. I wonder whether it's better to start slow or just dive in. I wonder how many other people feel the way I do.

Two nights ago, during the full moon, Terry and I sat across from each other, discussing what we wanted. He asked me what I'd do if I could do whatever I wanted, money, convenience, things like that were no object. I said that I'd travel until I found land that spoke to me and build an Earthship and live there, like that, learning about the plants and the land and God, in that way, and that I'd eventually want to start a family there. He didn't know much of what to think of that. Neither did I. Where did that desire come from? But it feels right, and I know that it may be the next big stop. Or, it may not. I just have to wait and see. Until then, I'll wait for my little apple seed to grow (which I planted last night) and my sunflower too (same thing), in their indoor pots using outdoor soil and getting lots of encouraging whispers from me, and I'll go out when it's warm this afternoon and do some reading. I think that's as good a start as any.

Right Now

2010-03-01T07:46:00.000-08:00

I received this in an email today from my good friend and classmate, named Yukari. She always has the most positive and upbeat outlook (may we all strive to be more positive and upbeat, no?)

Anyway, it was just so fantastic that I figured anyone stumbling across my blog would enjoy it. (sorry, I don't know the author.)

As you read it, let yourself sink down into the truth of these words - you'll like it :)

Right this very moment, on a distant farm, there basks a fig, a nut, or a berry, whose very life force will soon be your own. But that's not all...

Right this very moment, there's a gorgeous home on a splendid property with a spectacular view, whose roof will someday give you shelter. But that's not all...

Right this very moment, there are beautiful souls on your beautiful planet, whom you do not even know, yet through your meanderings and theirs, paths will cross, love will be shared, and eternal friendships will be created. I'm still not done...

And nothing you do, or don't do, can prevent these serendipities I've just shared, and so, so many more.

Amen, hallelujah, rock me Amadeus -

The Universe

(you can also sign it God, the Tao, Goddess, Allah, Jesus, whatevvv. Same difference, when it come to things like this!)

Deliciousness

2010-02-22T13:47:00.001-08:00

This afternoon, I made my very first EVER loaf of from-scratch bread.

My Dad used to occasionally make bread when I was little, and the smell was divine.

As this was gluten and yeast-free bread, the delicious smell was not quite the same, but delightful nonetheless.

I was quite proud of myself.

I felt quite domestic as T came around the corner, commenting on the olfactory yuminess, and I met him there with a plate of warm slices adorned with this:

I must say, it did feel nice.

By the way, here's the recipe.

Happy Monday!

Today's quote:

"Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all."

~Harriet van Horne

Virus

2010-02-21T10:05:00.000-08:00

Ugh.

As of Friday night, on my to-do list is to go pick up a z-pack for my yahoo email account.

I got a virus.

I sat with T in the living room Friday evening, watching a documentary, and heard the bleep from his laptop that meant he had a new message.

"Oh, it's from you."

...I didn't remember sending anything...

But, knowing me, I wrote him a line and forgot about it earlier in the afternoon.

He opened the email, which had a blank subject line (unlike most emails I send), and-

sure enough, there was a random infected link there. All alone, in the email.

As it turned out, that email was being sent to EVERYONE on my list.

Everyone.

There are people on my list I haven't talked to in years. There are some that I barely even know. Lord, there are ex-boyfriends on there!

Geez.

I got at least one snarky email back from a former acquaintance, and of course that cued an avalanche of guilt and embarrassment.

Those feelings continued deep into the night, after I shut down my computer to stop thinking about it (and that now, as I type, has a slightly different display...I think it's time to format this baby), until...

Wait a second.

Why in the world should I feel embarrassed about getting a virus in my email? Goodness knows I didn't do it on PURPOSE. For that matter, if someone is going to get angry at me for something like that, I daresay that this is not an individual that I'd best be friends with, right? I mean, that seems a little funny to me.

Besides, why should the behavior of random virus-spreading trickster folk in any way reflect mine?

The likelihood is that, in looking for wedding inspiration, I've clicked on an image on a corrupted site somewhere. And now, I'll re-format my computer and all that in order to get the bug.

But, as of now, I ain't worrying about it anymore.

Whatev.

Owl Sex

2010-02-17T08:29:00.000-08:00

...yes, that says what you think it says...

Last night, after a long day of shopping and making decisions, I wearily reached for the dental floss, the bathroom door open behind me as Terry sat at the desk strumming his guitar.

You see, I really don't like shopping, not much at all with an exception or two, and I hadn't been doing regular shopping, I'd been doing wedding shopping, which, I'm sure you can imagine, carried more stress inducing possibility than most shopping excursions. There was a dress fitting (during which I tried on my dress, walked out into the room with the mirrors and box to stand on, and thought, oh no. I don't like it. The fact that I took a deep breath, blamed it on hormones and/or low blood sugar, remained silent and moved on is beside the point. Not liking it was a bit scary, and again, stress inducing), shoe shopping for the all-important wedding shoes (which are sitting in my closet, unconfirmed as the ones), searching for the right jewelry and a couple of gifts to mail out (you'll now who you are when something comes in your mailbox!), and halfway successfully something to eat that wouldn't make me nauseous (going uber healthy makes you basically physically unable to eat nasty food - you get sick. Good for the abs, bad for the mood) which ended up with a bottle of Kombucha sitting next to me in a car cupholder that took an HOUR to open because of unruly fizz...

Let's continue.

So I was reaching for the floss.

T was strumming his guitar, learning a new song.

-Charis! Listen!

I turned around and came a couple of steps into the room.

-Huh? (I was tired and grumpy and by God just wanted to brush my teeth, take off my makeup and crawl into bed, maybe play some Sudoku, and hit dream land)

That's when I heard it. T ran the pick across the strings then laid his fingers across, silencing the guitar hum. A moment later, I heard a hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo coming from outside.

An owl! So cool.

Then silence.

Terry plucked a string or two, then silenced the guitar. Another call.
-I think he's talking back to me!

And the owl was. This continued on for some minutes, with us getting more excited by each interchange, and wondering where the owl actually was - it had to be sitting in a tree outside one of our windows. So we shut off all the lights in the room and quietly opened the wooden blinds, trying to peer out into the sliver-mooned darkness and see our new friend.

That's when it happened.

There wasn't just one owl, now there were two! We realized this as the guitar went forgotten on the desk chair and we crowded the windows, trying to see, listening to a conversation between the owls.

-Maybe they're mating! I said. By mating I meant courting - like when you see birds chasing each other and tangling in the sky, their joy nearly tangible.

T thought I was being more literal with my words.
-Owl sex. The words came with assurance out of the darkness beside me, and after a beat or two, my knees buckled and I nearly slid to the floor consumed by silent giggles.

They were sounding more urgent, after all.

We looked at each other, eyes wide, as the calls continued, more in sequence.

About then we decided to give the frisky owls their privacy and I made my way back over to the light switch, after telling T that his last words would be the title of my blog post the next morning.

And so they were.

The end.

image source

Sunscreen

2010-02-10T08:02:00.000-08:00

My Dad emailed me a link to this video this morning and it made me happy.

Maybe you'll like it too.

(you'll probably recognize the song, but watch the video anyway. It's good)

Dirty Hands

2010-02-08T07:47:00.000-08:00

This picture was taken on the last day of my Ph.D. seminar up in northern Cali.

There's a bit of a story behind it, if you can't already tell.

So, here's what happened.
I was a bit drained after non-stop classes and interactions and demands on my attention. I'm discovering that I'm quite accustomed to the comparatively large quantities of quiet time and alone time that I enjoy on a daily basis. When I'm surrounded by people and teachers and things I must be doing and places I must be going, I don't mind it in the moment, but eventually I get overloaded.

Such was this particular day.

The time was about 1:00pm, and I arrived in the large assembly room early. Our presenter was already there, and I helped her to arrange chairs and set out art supplies - this particular class was going to be on creativity and expression through body movement and art work. On a good day, this means amazing things that I can take into my coaching practice. On a bad day, it means we have to dance around the room like goons and draw pictures.

(this was a bad day, needless to say)

So I eventually sat down, close to the door, as people started filing in. A couple of my friends had skipped this talk, telling me about how, last seminar, this woman yelled at people who stood on the edges, refusing to dance. Usually things like this are only participatory. Yikes. I'd missed it last time because of a nasty flu (yuck), but I wanted, at least, to see what all the fuss was about.

So I opened my journal to kill time and waited for things to begin.

More people came in and found chairs and the instructor passed me for a final run to the ladies room before the hours-long presentation.

Go, I heard.

Now, it's not like I heard a voice speaking in my head, schizophrenic-style (although that does occasionally occur in a really good meditation or something like that).

In this case, I just had this overpowering feeling flit through me to get the heck away.

Ummm, WHAT?

So, I figured that this was my lazy or naysayer pieces, and I decided to treat them as a threshold guardian (a piece of the hero's journey that tests your commitment to your path of growth/learning/experience/whatever your path is), trusting that if I waited for awhile I'd have a great time.

Go.

And before I knew what was happening, I was out the door and halfway across the Presentation Center grounds, towards my cabin.

(so much for beating the threshold guardian...)

So, I entered my cabin and flopped my books down, unsure of what to do now, but sure that I was in a funk!

I decided to go on a walk down the nature trail that hugged the side of the mountain. Enormous, serene trees, soft bird calls, new bright green spring growth, perfect.

So I passed the sign, warning travelers of snakes and coyotes and bears and wild pigs and poison ivy and such, glancing at it but not really concerned because I've hiked this trail loads of times, when I heard it.

A very strange sounding animal call.

Heavy, growly breathing.

I couldn't see ahead - the lovely new spring growth was impossible to look through...

All I could think was wild pigs.

So I turned around and trotted back up the hill, away from the nature path.

(was a wild pig there? We'll never know. But that sure wasn't a squirrel, that I'm positive of...)

And now in an even greater funk, feeling thwarted at every angle, I said a little prayer asking for guidance and direction as to what I ought to spend the next couple of hours doing.

Just at that moment, I was passing the Presentation Center's greenhouse. In it, I could see a tall woman with white hair working. It was probably one of the nuns who keep the grounds (a small convent keeps the Presentation Center up and running).

Before I had time to second-guess myself (much), I was at the door of the greenhouse, saying hello and asking if she needed any help with anything.

Sister Paula and I spent the next hour and a half digging up a venerable decade old spider plant that had completely taken up one of the greenhouse table beds. The real tools were in a basement across the grounds, so we used two old spoons, a repurposed meat cleaver (AWESOME), and every now and then, a huge shovel, holding it close to the bottom, careful to not break the ceiling with the long handle.

The spider plant would not come out without a fight, and I swung that meat cleaver with the force of all my overstimulated aggression behind it. We rolled up the root mass, bit by bit, which covered the entire bottom layer of the bed, and chopped and shook and squeezed until the soil was all free, and tangles upon tangles of spider plant lay in a heap outside the door.

I haven't had that much dirt under my fingernails in at LEAST a decade, maybe two.

It was amaaaaaaaaaazing.

So, in closing, keep you mind open and follow your gut. You may just be like me and decide to take up gardening out of it! We'll have some home grown basil this year, that's for sure!
(I like to start small.)

Today's quote:
We lay there and looked up at the night sky and she told me about stars called blue squares and red swirls and I told her I'd never heard of them. Of course not, she said, the really important stuff they never tell you. You have to imagine it on your own.
— Brian Andreas

Bird's Eye Sky

2010-02-02T11:18:00.000-08:00

Here's a sight or two from a flight or two of mine yesterday.

Yeah, I MAY have done all the Sudokus in the back of the magazine except for the hardest one. My bad, anyone who wants to do a Sudoku that doesn't make your eyes cross....

I'm currently sitting in a meeting about the dissertation process, and my mind is wandering. Can you tell?

Happy Tuesday!

I'm Dreaming of a White January...

2010-01-29T08:36:00.000-08:00

About now, my plan was to be arriving at the airport to fly up to northern Cali for my Ph.D. seminar (a week, twice a year. Exhausting, but necessary. I won't complain about a week on a secluded mountain either...)

However, Wednesday night, this beauty of a sky greeted me:
They say a ring around the moon means snow or (chilly) rain is coming soon. I discovered, in researching the myth later online, that the effect is caused by thin clouds made of ice crystals twenty thousand feet up. They refract the moonlight, causing rings around the moon.

So? Was it true? Did a ring around the moon mean snow was coming soon?

Well, Thursday, all day Thursday, this was going on outside:

It started out with rain awakening me before dawn, slashing against the window with a force that exceeded normal rain drops. That was because each drop had a little heart of ice in it. An hour later, only straight ice. And, after that, snow.

So, now, the roads are covered with ice, then up to a foot of snow.
Hmm.
I don't think I'll be making it to the airport, 50 miles away.

Last night I got a phone call from Southwest saying that my flight was canceled. They also said to, if possible, call back at another time to rebook because everyone on all the canceled flights (there were a few, I'm assuming) was currently calling to rebook.

No biggie. I put on my heavy socks and waited it out. Besides, what's the point of rescheduling a flight if I won't be able to make it to the airport?

This morning I discovered that the roads should be fully clear by Sunday, and that no flights are available til Monday.

So, Monday it is!

Of course, that's assuming that there's still a spot open on the flights (I haven't called yet.)

We'll see!

This morning's view out the front window:

Check out those ice cycles!I won't discuss how during the day Wednesday the temperature was up to 60 degrees. Living inland is weird.

Today's quote:
I spent a long time trying to find my center until I looked closely at it one night & found it had wheels and moved easily in the slightest breeze. So now I spend less time sitting and more time sailing.
— Brian Andreas (Story People)

In Rememberance of Howard Zinn

2010-01-28T11:37:00.000-08:00

1922-2010

What a tragedy.

When T told me the news a few moments ago, I had to sit down. Certainly his voice of sanity and reason will be missed in our topsy turvy world. I have no words other than to quote him: "War itself is the enemy of the human race."

Zinn's site

What Is a Life Coach?

2010-01-26T13:05:00.000-08:00

I'm aware that I've been neglecting this blog and I apologize.

In my defense, I've been busier than I can say in one sentence, and I've been thinking hard about blogging! I've got two in my noggin right now, just waiting to zing down to my fingertips, dance on my keyboard, and wiggle their way onto the world wide web...
But that doesn't count, does it?

Anyway, in lieu of the actual blog I was going to post today, I'll put an amazing video that my cousin (and journalist extraordinaire) Ispy gifted me with this morning as a surprise. When she came over for dinner and pictures a few nights before T and I drove out of Cali, she asked me what a life coach was (and other similar questions) and I blabbered on, ignoring the camera she happened to have out...

...and the below is what resulted. Yay! And who knew? Beautiful job, Ispy! Thank you!!! Made my day :)

Please ignore the dorky face at the end. Thanksssss.

...and another one...

2010-01-19T17:00:00.000-08:00

This is what T and I will be doing tomorrow:

View Larger Map

Wish us luck!

Today's quote:
If you hold on to the handle, she said, it's easier to maintain the illusion of control. But it's more fun if you just let the wind carry you.
~Brian Andreas

Mirrors

2010-01-18T09:27:00.000-08:00

Is it true that all our actions, large and small, represent who we are as people?

image found here

That's quite a burden, if you ask me. I'm sure most of us, if we really dive into that question, would laugh nervously and reassure ourselves that, of course not, every little thing shouldn't define us! We're not always on display, right?

right?

Well, I think that's a question we all have to answer for ourselves.

I learned in undergrad about a certain psychological fallacy (I forget the name, but remember the point - does that mean I was a good student or a bad one? Let's not take a vote)...
Anyway, this belief, that ALL of us hold to some degree, says that, essentially, if we do something mean, it's because we're having a bad day. If someone else does, it's because they're a mean person. Of course, this mostly occurs with people we don't know.

For instance, if your checkout person at the grocery store is rude to you, you'll probably give her a dirty look and walk away thinking what a bitch she was.

BUT, if you're eating at a restaurant and rude to your server because the kitchen messed up your order (which, remember, may have nothing to do with that server at all), and if you realize that you're being rude, you won't admit in your mind to being a jerk, the way you thought your check out person was. Rather, you'll blame it on your day, your mood, low blood sugar, fight you just had with your mother, whatever.

(However, your server will probably chalk it up to you being a jackass. Just sayin. All honesty on this blog!)

So, think for a moment about whether everything you do and say represents who you REALLY are.

I mean, other than being embarrassing, we can't argue that it's not true, right?

I know that, for my part, it's not easy to admit that when I don't rush through my morning showers, it indicates that I'm selfish. Not that, at that moment when I could be pulling the razor up my leg more quickly, I'm consciously thinking about how the next person may run out of hot water, but the answer is, yes, I do know that's a possibility. I'm not thinking about it, but the knowledge is is my noggin somewhere. So, if I admit that I take showers that are more lengthy than they need to be, which I do, I must also admit that I'm selfish. (that gives me room to grow, and a piece of humble pie to eat. Both good things in the end)

Of course, this goes both ways, and it means that you can be extra proud of the kind and selfless things you do on a daily basis, large and small. Some people occasionally pay the road toll or pay for the fast food order of the person behind them in line, who they've never met. I LOVE that idea. Some give to people on the street asking for money (a sticky subject, to be sure, but the way I think about it is, if I can spare a dollar, why not? Sure, they may just be going to buy booze, but to be completely honest, if I were where they are I may want to get obliterated too...just trying to be fair. Also, don't forget that a huge percentage of the homeless that you see in those situations aren't mentally sound by current standards. Makes things more complicated, no?)

Anyway, just some thoughts for you. So, today, as you go about your routine, do it as if someone were watching every decision you make, trying to decipher what kind of person you are. I guarantee that, if you do, you'll sleep more soundly tonight :)

Today's quote:
My grandma used to plant tomato seedlings in tin cans from tomato sauce & puree & crushed tomatoes she got from the Italian restaurant by her house, but she always soaked the labels off first. I don't want them to be anxious about the future, she said. It's not healthy. — Brian Andreas

Quaking

2010-01-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

I just heard about the earthquake in Haiti.

Yes, I'm terribly out of the loop and off the grid right now, obviously. But I'm horrified, admittedly belatedly, at what I'm seeing.

the above two are from Mail Online

from ft.com

How big WAS it, really? This is what the Guardian says:

The Haiti earthquake was magnitude 7, which releases the energy equivalent of several nuclear bombs. The United States Geological Survey estimates magnitude 7 as equivalent to about half a million tons of high explosive. Each increase of 1 in the magnitude scale is equivalent to 30 times more energy, so this one was only one thousandth of the energy of the magnitude 9.3 earthquake that struck Banda Aceh, in Indonesia, in 2004 and triggered a devastating tsunami.

Apparently, they haven't had an earthquake this big in 250 years.

What can you do to help?
I know that it's easy for some of us to say "oh yeah, that sucks" and feel a little sorry but not really do anything.

Well, I'm sure that if you stop by Starbucks a few times a week, you can afford to send $5 to help. That could do more than you realize - think food for children, bandages, etc. Your $5 can go a long way. Be crazy and send $20, even. Here are some sites:

You can text "YELE" to 501501 to donate that $5 (it will show up on your cell phone bill for this month), or go to Yele's site instead.

You can donate $10 by texting "Haiti" to 90999 via the American Red cross, or of course go to their site.

Lastly, here's a site that tells you lots of other options: http://www1.networkforgood.org/help-haiti-quake-relief?source=YAHOO&cmpgn=NEWS

Why not help? No matter the struggles in your life, I guarantee you that if you're reading my blog, you have it better than some of the people down here, right now, in this moment. You can help them. Why in the world wouldn't you?

today's quote: