Back to Life, Back to Reality

I may be the only person who feels like this.

Today at 8:57am I was walking across campus on my way to go do the same thing I do every weekday morning at 8:57am, move my car to the 9:00-4:00 street parking. The wind was blowing and I was huffing and puffing my breath, feeling something like actual freezing happening in my seldom-used-in-the-past-week sinuses.

My goal was to do a little walking meditation as I went to and from my car-transplant task. I've decided (weeks ago, actually, and it took til now to put it into practice, remember that stages of change theory from a couple months ago?...) that to lead my best possible life, certain moments of reflection are necessary during each day. To have it work out in the best way that it can, I need one in the morning, one around the middle of the day, and a final one in the evening.

For me, a good meditation can be as short as 5 or 10 minutes. That may sound funny, but think about how teeny tiny dreams can seem to take eons to pass. It's kinda like that. But, somehow, most days that 5-10 minutes is hard to come by (don't worry, I know it's me, and not the 5-10 minutes that makes it difficult...). Unfortunately, when I'm not meditating often enough, the awesome and weird things that happen when I meditate are....I get yelled at for not meditating.

Sigh.

But, not today! I just got a little yelled at for trying to do a walking one rather than an actual seated, closed-eye moment of contemplation. So I resolved to do that once I was back inside.

Anyway, I was walking along, chilly, doing the same thing I always do only slightly less comfily (left my gloves in the office) and I realized something.

Usually I'm (more or less consciously) grumbling just then for the same old thing, on a same old Monday, in the same old city (yeah, same old, I haven't lived here for two years yet...but you know how I am). However, today, I was just breathing sighs of relief for doing these same mundane things.

The truth is, I'm very boring. On the inside.

But that's okay! It's nice to have routines that make you feel comfortable, and effective! At least you know you're getting things done.

So, today, be thankful for the routines. That's what I'll be doing. Sure, there are wonderful ways that the routine could be changed, but there are lots and lots of not-so-wonderful ones.

And, a reminder. V-day is this Saturday. Are you prepared? Single girls, are you prepared? Not gonna lie, last year was the best V-day I'd had in a loooong, long time. It was the first time I'd been single in a buncha years and I saved so much money!

This V-day I'll try to have my cake and eat it too, as in, take T for his first massage using a gift cert. my mom got me last year for my bday. (sorry mom! And thanks :) )

Happy week-start!

Lines Blurry

Where's the difference between creating the life you want to live and walking the path that's been laid out for you, and is the one that you're supposed to be walking?

This morning I asked to be directed to live my best possible version of today.

I was taught that we all have multiple lives, days, realities we can live in each moment. It's a range, but there is a best one. Or maybe, a couple of best ones.

I was thinking about the thing that is an afternoon. Usually I don't know afternoons; my mornings bleed into noons which merge to afternoons and before I know it, the sky is darkening and I'm driving home.

Not that I mind the traffic these days (good contemplative time. Good people watching, too), but I do wish that I could live the different parts of my day, rather than the same minutes, or at least interchangeable ones, from morning to early evening, under the same fluorescent lights.

Today on my drive in I noticed the sky. I often do, but today I thought that I need to make sure to do that more often. I've been falling off lately.

In high school I remember my friend Brian G laughing at me and saying that I looked at the sky more than any person should. I miss being able to see it.

Then, I remember how nice it is sometimes to live my days this way. How long days can seem when each day is really four or five days, and not long in a good way.

So, finding the difference between the best path and your own choosing of a path? I'm not sure.

But I'm working on it!