Dirty Hands

This picture was taken on the last day of my Ph.D. seminar up in northern Cali.

There's a bit of a story behind it, if you can't already tell.

So, here's what happened.
I was a bit drained after non-stop classes and interactions and demands on my attention. I'm discovering that I'm quite accustomed to the comparatively large quantities of quiet time and alone time that I enjoy on a daily basis. When I'm surrounded by people and teachers and things I must be doing and places I must be going, I don't mind it in the moment, but eventually I get overloaded.

Such was this particular day.

The time was about 1:00pm, and I arrived in the large assembly room early. Our presenter was already there, and I helped her to arrange chairs and set out art supplies - this particular class was going to be on creativity and expression through body movement and art work. On a good day, this means amazing things that I can take into my coaching practice. On a bad day, it means we have to dance around the room like goons and draw pictures.

(this was a bad day, needless to say)

So I eventually sat down, close to the door, as people started filing in. A couple of my friends had skipped this talk, telling me about how, last seminar, this woman yelled at people who stood on the edges, refusing to dance. Usually things like this are only participatory. Yikes. I'd missed it last time because of a nasty flu (yuck), but I wanted, at least, to see what all the fuss was about.

So I opened my journal to kill time and waited for things to begin.

More people came in and found chairs and the instructor passed me for a final run to the ladies room before the hours-long presentation.

Go, I heard.

Now, it's not like I heard a voice speaking in my head, schizophrenic-style (although that does occasionally occur in a really good meditation or something like that).

In this case, I just had this overpowering feeling flit through me to get the heck away.

Ummm, WHAT?

So, I figured that this was my lazy or naysayer pieces, and I decided to treat them as a threshold guardian (a piece of the hero's journey that tests your commitment to your path of growth/learning/experience/whatever your path is), trusting that if I waited for awhile I'd have a great time.

Go.

And before I knew what was happening, I was out the door and halfway across the Presentation Center grounds, towards my cabin.

(so much for beating the threshold guardian...)

So, I entered my cabin and flopped my books down, unsure of what to do now, but sure that I was in a funk!

I decided to go on a walk down the nature trail that hugged the side of the mountain. Enormous, serene trees, soft bird calls, new bright green spring growth, perfect.

So I passed the sign, warning travelers of snakes and coyotes and bears and wild pigs and poison ivy and such, glancing at it but not really concerned because I've hiked this trail loads of times, when I heard it.

A very strange sounding animal call.

Heavy, growly breathing.

I couldn't see ahead - the lovely new spring growth was impossible to look through...

All I could think was wild pigs.

So I turned around and trotted back up the hill, away from the nature path.

(was a wild pig there? We'll never know. But that sure wasn't a squirrel, that I'm positive of...)

And now in an even greater funk, feeling thwarted at every angle, I said a little prayer asking for guidance and direction as to what I ought to spend the next couple of hours doing.

Just at that moment, I was passing the Presentation Center's greenhouse. In it, I could see a tall woman with white hair working. It was probably one of the nuns who keep the grounds (a small convent keeps the Presentation Center up and running).

Before I had time to second-guess myself (much), I was at the door of the greenhouse, saying hello and asking if she needed any help with anything.

Sister Paula and I spent the next hour and a half digging up a venerable decade old spider plant that had completely taken up one of the greenhouse table beds. The real tools were in a basement across the grounds, so we used two old spoons, a repurposed meat cleaver (AWESOME), and every now and then, a huge shovel, holding it close to the bottom, careful to not break the ceiling with the long handle.

The spider plant would not come out without a fight, and I swung that meat cleaver with the force of all my overstimulated aggression behind it. We rolled up the root mass, bit by bit, which covered the entire bottom layer of the bed, and chopped and shook and squeezed until the soil was all free, and tangles upon tangles of spider plant lay in a heap outside the door.

I haven't had that much dirt under my fingernails in at LEAST a decade, maybe two.

It was amaaaaaaaaaazing.

So, in closing, keep you mind open and follow your gut. You may just be like me and decide to take up gardening out of it! We'll have some home grown basil this year, that's for sure!
(I like to start small.)

Today's quote:
We lay there and looked up at the night sky and she told me about stars called blue squares and red swirls and I told her I'd never heard of them. Of course not, she said, the really important stuff they never tell you. You have to imagine it on your own.
— Brian Andreas

Bird's Eye Sky

Here's a sight or two from a flight or two of mine yesterday.

Yeah, I MAY have done all the Sudokus in the back of the magazine except for the hardest one. My bad, anyone who wants to do a Sudoku that doesn't make your eyes cross....

I'm currently sitting in a meeting about the dissertation process, and my mind is wandering. Can you tell?

Happy Tuesday!

I'm Dreaming of a White January...

About now, my plan was to be arriving at the airport to fly up to northern Cali for my Ph.D. seminar (a week, twice a year. Exhausting, but necessary. I won't complain about a week on a secluded mountain either...)

However, Wednesday night, this beauty of a sky greeted me:
They say a ring around the moon means snow or (chilly) rain is coming soon. I discovered, in researching the myth later online, that the effect is caused by thin clouds made of ice crystals twenty thousand feet up. They refract the moonlight, causing rings around the moon.

So? Was it true? Did a ring around the moon mean snow was coming soon?

Well, Thursday, all day Thursday, this was going on outside:

It started out with rain awakening me before dawn, slashing against the window with a force that exceeded normal rain drops. That was because each drop had a little heart of ice in it. An hour later, only straight ice. And, after that, snow.

So, now, the roads are covered with ice, then up to a foot of snow.
Hmm.
I don't think I'll be making it to the airport, 50 miles away.

Last night I got a phone call from Southwest saying that my flight was canceled. They also said to, if possible, call back at another time to rebook because everyone on all the canceled flights (there were a few, I'm assuming) was currently calling to rebook.

No biggie. I put on my heavy socks and waited it out. Besides, what's the point of rescheduling a flight if I won't be able to make it to the airport?

This morning I discovered that the roads should be fully clear by Sunday, and that no flights are available til Monday.

So, Monday it is!

Of course, that's assuming that there's still a spot open on the flights (I haven't called yet.)

We'll see!

This morning's view out the front window:

Check out those ice cycles!I won't discuss how during the day Wednesday the temperature was up to 60 degrees. Living inland is weird.

Today's quote:
I spent a long time trying to find my center until I looked closely at it one night & found it had wheels and moved easily in the slightest breeze. So now I spend less time sitting and more time sailing.
— Brian Andreas (Story People)

What's that? Another road trip?

My mother is graduating this weekend.
(go Mom!)

Fresh out of high school, she had a full ride into VCU, pre-med. She was going to be a surgeon.

Once, at about age 8, she apparently opened up a live frog in her yard, to "see how everything worked." (Not so humane, but very medically oriented, yes?) She stitched him back up and he hopped away.

I'm not kidding, he really did.

At least that's how the story goes.

And he probably hopped off to go someplace and breathe his last froggy breath, but who knows? He may have lived a long and happy (in frog-years) life and his descendants may still live on Clay Street.

Anyway.

At the last minute, she decided instead to go be a missionary (she was a Jehovah's Witness at the time, so it was actually called "pioneering".)

A few months later, she was introduced to her roomate's big brother, and less than a year after that, she became Mrs. Brown.

So medical school didn't work out. But it all came together in the end, I say. But, obviously, I'm biased because had she not blown off school, I wouldn't be typing this blog right now, at least not with these fingers (a.k.a. in this body, with these parents, with these particular chilly toes, but now we're getting into deeper stuff so let's come back up to the surface and-)

Any.Way.

Fast forward a couple of decades, and she's back in school, this time not for the medicinal type stuff (although she does work for/go to school at a college that houses quite a nice medical school)-

And she graduates this weekend.
(again, Yay Mom! Congrats!)

So, long long story still pretty long, I'm headed down to Richmond tomorrow morning.

For the past few weeks I'd thought her ceremony would be in the evening. I found out an hour or two ago that, no, it's actually at 10:00am.

So, since we're also confirmed to go see Tara sing tonight here in Hazleton (she's a musician and headed out to LA in the spring, small world), we'll be doing that, getting roughly 4.3 hours of sleep, and loading up the car at 3:00am in order to make the 10:00 ceremony.

Good times.

Have a great evening. I'll be google mapping it up. (I just don't trust my GPS these days. I think she may have schizophrenia)

Today's quote:
The mind WILL be free, or it will be dead.
~Grace Llewellyn

ps: My dress came yesterday. More on that later, maybe....

Procrastination Station

I can say with 100% certainty and only some self-consciousness that I am absolutely, definitely, full out and to-the-bone good at something.

Procrastination.

In fact, I'm doing it right now!

Last night, after an afternoon spent on my computer and NOT working on my paper due this week (my, how many interesting things there are to do instead!), I walked into the (soon to be) in-laws' kitchen, where delicious eggplant rotini (dunno if I spelled that right but you catch my drift) was baking, and announced that if I could make a living off of procrastinating, I'd be a millionaire.

("Lots of people would be," T said in reply)

But alas, I'm not a top-notch professional procrastinator (despite my natural talent), instead I'm a holistic health and wellness consultant, a.k.a. life coach, so, among other things, I actually help other people NOT procrastinate (as I expertly do, all the while, sometimes while I'm convincing someone else not to. I know a lot about the subject, so I'm the one to come to. It all makes sense in the end....)

I come from a long line of procrastinators. Why I couldn't have inherited musical genius instead, which also occurs in my family, I don't know. Oh well. I'll take my mom's lips and my dad's feet and the milkman's eyebrows (not really, but seriously, sometimes I wonder where I came from, compared with my siblings) and go with it.

And I guess that leads me to the end of this blog entry and the beginning of what I ought to be doing.

hmm, maybe I'll turn up the heat first....and I still need to write my daily 2 pages....oh! And my dress should arrive today!....

What was I saying?

Today's quote:
Choices are the hinges of destiny.
~Edwin Markham

Bookend #1

Today I'm not going to post more about the cross-country move, like I said I would yesterday, because...I don't feel like it. And I'm kinda tired and me and GIMP are on a temporary break right now (we had words) so I can't make the little cool image of a cartoon T and myself rolling down the highway that will accompany all of the C C-C posts. Don't worry, it'll come and it'll be grade-A-amazingness.

Because my life revolves around awesonomical things such as weekends and vacations (and countdowns of any sort. What can I say, I'm easy to entertain. Better than the opposite, if you ask me), I'll consider today as this....

It isn't:
- a day where I arrived at work 3 hours late because I was feeling so under the weather this morning that I literally could not drag myself around the townhouse and get ready. (very uncharisteristic of me. No bueno...)
- my last day of work before I'll be gone for the week, which means that this place is a madhouse.
- too hot to wear a sweater and too cold to wear only short sleeves (and too high to get over, too low to get under, you're stuck in the middle....oops, sorry, MJ tangent, those happen sometimes), which leaves me in short sleeves, a scarf, and goosebumps everywhere (because I'm not built for cold weather, duh).
- the kickoff of a wannabe vacation-that's-not-a-vacation-at-all-because-of-the-all-day-studying-and-lecturing-parts week.

...and it is:
- the first bookend to this semester's Ph.D. seminar, which are always some form or another of good times
- the day before a fun road trip (yay)
- a Frithursday, which makes everything all better
- the beginning of a week of me not having to be stuck in traffic for a minimum of 2 hours a day (yessss!)
- the beginning of a vacation-that's-not-really-a-vacation-but-close-enough-cause-I-get-to-be-in-a-hotel-and-see-new-places-and-jump-on-the-bed week.

I'll go with it being a good day, no? Yes? Yes.

Today's whiteboard quote:
"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."
~Leonard Cohen

Classes and Studies and Mountains, Ohm My!

This Friday, T and I will pack up the car and start driving north.

I'm heading to one of my biannual Ph.D. seminars up in Los Gatos, here.
(T will be using the time to study for his LSAT, coming up next month.)

The place is run by nuns and it's halfway up a steep mountain (yeah...I let T drive for that part. I don't do mountains if I can help it, and his growing up in PA was more mountain-driving-friendly than my upbringing in rural farmland Virginia...) We constantly see deer, mountain lions are around, and there are tons of birds and other such tiny awesome creatures that you never see in the city. Not that I'm hating on squirrels, but you know.

I'm excited! I'll get to see my classmates who I only run into at these things (there's a reason they call mine the "Global program", that's right, we've got folks from nearly every continent coming in), and there will be fresh clean air, dangerous hiking trails (I'm serious. There are warning signs that are moderately disconcerting posted at each entrance), and new-agey/slash/conventional psychological coursework and discussion. Right up my alley.

I may or may not be blogging, depending on two things:
1) how strong my wireless signal is in the main room where we'll be meeting
2) whether I'm interested or not in what's going on. Sometimes it's super duper boring, not gonna lie. Once they start talking about research paradigms I start snoring. Or playing minesweeper. Or writing in my journal. Or blogging. So it could happen.

This is almost my last seminar - you're not required to go in your last year (at least not to both seminars. Hmm, I'm not sure whether it's one or none. I think I should find that out). I'm starting year 4 this go-round and the program is 5 years long.

Not bad, considering you get a master's and a Ph.D. along the way.

The fact that the school's unconventional teaching styles make it not as well respected as others isn't as great, but that doesn't matter much for me. I'm already doing what I'll be doing after graduation (not to mention the fact that I have more credentials than 90% of other life coaches that you'll find out there...) Boy oh boy was it a shock when I discovered nearly a year ago that, when it came to my area (working with people, not so much research and academia), that I already knew all I ever would from this school. The last few years are all dissertation-based, really. The fact that I actually had that much in m'noggin was scary, and awesome to figure out. That's why A Luminous Life is up and running already...

Anywhoo.

So I'm apologizing in advance for my (possible) absence. I'll miss you!

Today's whiteboard quote:
"Ideas are a dime a dozen. People who implement them are priceless."
~Mary Kay Ash

Back To...

This section is devoted to disorders usually first diagnosed in infancy, childhood, or adolescence. This division of the Classification according to age at presentation is for convenience only and is not absolute. Although disorders in this section are usually first evident in childhood and adolescence, some individuals diagnosed....

Does this sound interesting to you?

Yeah, me neither.

It's from the DSM-IV Desk Reference, a thick little gray spiraled book that will put me right to sleep before I even turn a page....and what is my required reading for a fall course. Argh.

So school starts again next week! And I'm excited, if for no other reason than that I get that much closer to being finished (who knew that this 5 year-long PhD program would have encompassed so much time! You know what I mean?), and because of course my brain doesn't quite know what to do with itself when it's not learning something. An entire lifetime of school will do that to you.

So, year 4 is set to begin! On next Friday, to be exact. But from now til then, I'll read up for my courses, and try to stifle my yawns.

Who am I kidding - I never stifle yawns.

Not even last night when I was out at some bar in Santa Monica after an aborted Edison trip, and I was acutely aware yet again that I'm an old person who can't have a cognizant conversation after 9:45pm. Even with coffee and In & Out Burger. Wait, maybe the In & Out is what put me to sleep....Hmm...it's a theory...

Happy Friday eve!

Today's whiteboard quote:
"Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves."
~Rudyard Kipling

Sides

Today's whiteboard quote:
"Everything has a bright and dark side to it. those who only see the dark side of things bring sorrow and pain upon themselves. To those who are able to see at the same time the bright side of it, every day is a good day."
~Yunmen

Last night I finished my paper. Sort of. It still needs an abstract and a good proofread, then it's getting mailed off! Yay! (It's due date is technically May 17. You can bet that a year ago I would've been starting the paper, like, today. That's one tally for me against procrastination! Improvement is always good...)

By the time I was done my eyes were crossing. I emailed the paper to myself (there was no way I was letting it get deleted in a computer crash, thanks), T made me a root beer float, and I went to bed.

And today I'm tired, but happy :)

Busy Busy...But a Brain has to Break By and By

Exhibit A. Still wearing work attire. No, I have not been upstairs since my arrival home.

Exhibit B. In my work nook. (now sitting on a pillow because the floor is a lot harder on the rear end when you're working than it is when you're sprawled with a book or your laptop...)

Exhibit C. Busily typing fingers.

Exhibit D. Concentration.

Exhibit E. Blanket around shoulders in lieu of sweater (again, upstairs).

B took that pic of me about 15 minutes ago before he left to go see a movie. I may do that again once I can see the light of day....And to think, I didn't even procrastinate this time!

Ok, I think that's all the break I'm allowed to have right now. Back to the wheel. Sorry for the messy letters, I could've figured out how to put real ones in, but that definitely would have gone over my break time limit.

Sheezers I just found out that T's on his way home - already? Dangit. Okay now I'm really getting to work...

Wish me luck!

Positive Pause

Today will be devoted to finishing up my DQP, so please accept my apologies for lack of a proper post.

Go here instead - it'll help make your day better, I promise.

Today's whiteboard quote:
"Make the world a better place, one thought at a time."
~Unknown

Best of Intentions...

This weekend I planned on hunkering down to reel out that 30ish page Doctoral Qualifying Paper that I need to mail off this week.

....yeah. And this is what actually happened:
It's not like I didn't work on the paper at all, I certainly did...do...some work on it.

But, it's now needless to say that this week will be a busy one getting everything ready. I'm envisioning the paper as a piece of fabric I'm weaving, with all of the information I find from my sources serving to be the threads and yarns and the finished paper as the fabric forming under my fingertips, which hopefully will end up being neat, complete, beautiful in its organization and warm and lovely in its insight and usefulness.... so we'll see how it goes.(visualizations help me, can you tell?)

But as for yesterday afternoon, I think watching Amelie at home, going to the beach, getting some Vitamin D, doing the 5-step rule (as in, when the water hits your feet you go in for 5 steps, then are free to high tail it out as fast as need be) that T introduced to me in order to cool off without losing a foot to hypothermia caused by the frigid Pacific water, and then going home for an evening of relaxation and gentle work, was just what the doctor ordered.So here's to the week! May yours be productive and happy, and may mine too!

Today's whiteboard quote:
"Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."
~Oprah Winfrey

Reading textbooks puts me to sleep

...and I want to get everything read before I fly out tonight!... Argh.

and I want to only have one carry-on with all of my luggage....for 5 days. And 2 nights going out. And 1-2 nice dinners. Double argh!

Friday!

I'm very excited about what day of the week it is.

I need sleep!

I need to eat something other than dry cheerios and a banana for breakfast (my work day routine)!

I need to actually do something with my time that I want to do, not just what is absolutely required because of the formula created by tasks needing to be accomplished and time in the day!

And..., T's taking the GRE this morning (good luck!). Aaaand, his birthday is tomorrow (lots of Guinness, I bet!)

As for me, the paper needs a final proofread, and it's going in! Whew! Next time, remind me to start a wee bit earlier so my eyes can still focus at the end of the day (dang computer screens).

what's on your weekend platter?

Sights Set

One paper down, one (halfway-done one) to go! I'm keeping an iron fist on my schedule (down to the minute. It's nuts) this week so that I can get everything done and still have time to hang out with the folks at home (Tara's doing amazingly well, by the way), so I'll be so happy next week during my little spring break from school.

...the break was supposed to be this week AND next week, but this girl didn't get her stuff done as early as would have been optimal...

This makes me think. And it makes me happy. At least it gives motivation to keep those joyful thoughts comin...

"The world presents itself according to the viewpoint of each person. Whatever kind of person one is, one will see that kind of world; whatever kind of mindset one has, one will derive that kind of conclusion."
~Fo Yin

Vampires and Finals, not vampire finals. Or final vampires. Well, maybe that last one is true.

Remember those papers that I was doing last week?
.....
Yeah I'm working on them now instead.
(thank goodness the instructors decided to push them back!)
So this is week 2 of finals. Just seems unfair...

Watched Twilight with Tara last night.

Honestly? I didn't like it. I know so many people did, but I was watching it, anticipating enjoyment, and just kept thinking,
Seriously?...
The first thing I noticed (in the initial science class scenes):
Wait a second, the Edward Cullen guy's ear and neck are regular-colored...oh my gosh. You mean to tell me that with ALL those production and makeup and director and grip and camera and everything folk, no one thought to put makeup on the guy's neck? good lord.
And it was downhill from there.

And granted, T and I did fall in love uber quickly and were in full-blown relationship mode by day 5, so I'm aware that it can happen, but having the first real conversation you EVER have with someone being confessing your freakishly strong love still doesn't seem all that realistic.

And that was my take on Twilight.

I think I may have ruined it a bit for Tara. We'd been having perhaps a few too many glasses of Asti and sparkling blueberry juice (my new fav) and I just couldn't hold my tongue.

Sorry Edward Cullen.

Part Deux

In response to PDO's question yesterday,

holy cannoli, yes we wanted that to happen.

The guy she may marry is abusive and a jerk (from a family of jerks who make her suffer to no end too), and she's waffling again. I'm afraid that she'll go through with it, then not have the courage to leave him once they're actually married.

She's the sweetest, most loving person, and she can't bring herself to cause the pain she knows ending it will cause. But goodness gracious, think about the pain she's letting herself live if she goes through with it!

Anyway, that's enough of someone else's business that I'll post on my website. But prayers for the highest and best for her (even if that's an epiphany for the guy that makes him a better partner) will be appreciated!

On other notes, my week has been nutso - kinda behind on my papers (cause of this craziness) and the due dates are approaching fast. It may be almost time to start on the caffeine IV....I'll be talking 500 miles a minute (as opposed to my usual 100 miles a minute) and thinking even faster, and all my thoughts may not make sense, but at least something'll be written, right?

And hey, I can always proofread when I'm off the caffeine rush. But the crash'll probably involve an inability to think logically too...

Hmm maybe I should just stay away from the caffeine.
We'll see.

Happy Thursday! This is the first week in a while that I've wanted to go more slowly!

Today's whiteboard quote:
" We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."
~T.S. Eliot

Love that one!

MIAness

I am (somewhat) back from the land of the sick and decrepit. Here are some things I learned along my journeys:

1) The flu actually does suck. I'm one of those who always thinks (when everything's peachy, of course) that the being "sick" can't actually be that bad. Well, I'm wrong. Uncontrolled teeth-chattering shivering after hours under blankets, dizziness, achy joints and muscles, and no sense of hunger or thirst at all, rather, in fact, a strong aversion to food, really are as bad as you may imagine.

2) Being sick while on a school retreat where everything's cold and drafty, and everyone around you is all sunshine and loveliness and hugs and prayers, is not as positive as it may sound. At all.

3) It's amazing to be hungry when you haven't been for days. Remember the little things, people!

4) Fruit smoothies are safe. And T makes good ones. Oh, those are good to have around. Both the T's ad the smoothies, but I'm referring to T in the previous sentence. But not my T, that one's already busy taking care of me.

5) Plugging in memory cards and uploading pictures is rather unappealing when your eyes hurt if they look in any direction other than straight forward and/or if they hit bright light or sunlight.

6) 8-hour trafficy drives home are much less fun being sick and not agreeing on music with your carmate (which is why we both wear ipods in times like these)

and, last but not least, and I may well get crucified for this but it's totally true:

7) Having the flu is really, really good for your abs.

I had to say it.

Bad Student

Here's a note T and I wrote as he sat in on one of our presentations:

C: You're hot. I love you.
T: You're the hottest :) I love you too.
C: I like your smiley face. I'm so glad you came. You keep me grounded. I'm sorry that I fall asleep when you're saying nice things to me at night.
T: Ha! No worries. Glad I can be your anchor. You keep the light shining for me. Now pay attention!

Then, 20 minutes later:

C: It's hard when your bum is falling asleep.

There's your glimpse into the seminar for today!

Yesterday's Drive up the 5

Yesterday morning the alarm went off at 4:45am. T and I packed the car and were on our way. This is what happened for the next 7 hours:

Guess who was driving?Orange Trees, #1 and #2 and #3

Some random groves I didn't recognize.

Grapevines, perhaps?

Rolling hills. Lovely.

The hills got bigger as we went further north.


How could anyone mind this drive?

Almost there...

And we arrived. Checked in, and went for a little hike.

T's only response to this sign: "Wild pigs. That can't be good."

I need to get back to listen to this lecture about Exceptional Human Experience (EHEs). As in, telepathy, clairvoyance, precognition, psychokineses, etc. Very boring, can't you tell? ;)