Fighting off the Funk with Gratitude

I woke up in a funk today. Well, I also woke up in a funk yesterday, and the day before. No one can be happy all the time, right? And my disproportionate anger at the auto-correct function on my word processing program this morning (no, I want it lowercase you idiot, it's an abbreviation! Not a new sentence! aaarrrgghh @#!&*%$@! ~all in my head, of course~) leads me to believe that the problem may lie in the hormonal realm. Happens to the best of us, what can I say.

Even my whiteboard quote of the day:
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
just makes me snarl. That's right, I said snarl. As in when the right side of your nose does that little wrinkle and your lip curls up a bit in the corner? It's a snarl. And I did it. (enthusiasm. I got your enthusiasm right here, I'm thinking...)

Shame on me!

So, what to do? It's not fun being in a mood like this, unless of coure you're in college and driving around Gainesville w/ your new bff and you're griping Foamy style (warning: bad language abounds if you follow that link) at anything and everything, that's fun (shoutout to you, Jen!). But, alas, I'm a grown-up now and being in a ranty mood doesn't help anyone. Plus, I'd rather not do it. I like having normal blood pressure, thanks very much. Besides, over the years I'd much rather form smile lines than yucky frowny lines...

But I digress. So, this morning as I was in the bathroom down the hall after breakfast, flossing, mouthwashing, and brushing for the 2nd time today (I'm not OCD - ok well maybe I am, but not about this particular thing. Constant spotless teeth is how you've gotta roll when you have Invisalign - you can see my loosely related vlog here) because you have to do that if you put ANYTHING other than water in your mouth (no snacking, not even any liquids like juice or tea or god-forbid, soda. Water. That's it.). Oops, there I go again. Anyway, as I was flossing or brushing or something, it occured to me through my grumpy fog that my life is much more enjoyable when I'm in a better mood. And there's no reason why this funk of a mood should have me helpless in its clutches! But it kinda did. So, I pulled out an old faithful that's appropriate for this time of year - giving thanks.

I've said for a long time that a way to pull yourself up at times like this is to do a simple, conscious switch of attention - it's easy, all you have to do is start giving thanks. For anything. But make sure it's stuff that you ARE actually thankful for. For instance, here's how mine started:

I give thanks that I'm finally getting my teeth straightened after I've been self-conscious about them for so many years....although I didn't even mean to, my dentists told me I needed to straighten them because of other stuff...And hey, it did force a diet, but I don't really care about losing weight. There's a marketing ploy - come get Invisalign! Lose 5 pounds for 5 grand! Although, for $5k couldn't I just get lipo? I mean, I doubt lipo would even be $5k....
Focus.
Ok...I give thanks that I have a job.
I give thanks that I can afford to have and keep in stock all the dumb things I need for my teeth.
I give thanks that I can afford more than a few pairs of shoes to wear to work (as I clipclopped down the hallway back to my office)
I give thanks that my body all works as it should and I am not confined to the use of a wheelchair or crutches.
I give thanks that I work in a place that is well lit and safe and clean.
I give thanks that my job isn't one that puts me into any physical danger.

...and on and on. And sure enough, before long, I started to feel better. And now, retelling it, I feel even better. The goal is to continue this all day. It can be easier or harder, depending on the day, I suppose.

But it's true. Most of us do have plenty to be thankful for. And later today, when I saw a link to this random blog by Jason Mraz, I took it as the sign that it was - to tell me that I am on the right track. An article that says the exact thing I was doing is healthy, is coincidence? I think not... So, not even using the cheesy Turkey Day stuff (that's for Thursday, don't spoil your dinner now) what do you have to be thankful for?

Band Practice

Today's whiteboard quote is:

Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?

~Frank Scully

I don't have a deep thought about that one (I don't think one's even needed), just love it and thought I'd share. :)

This weekend was, of course, not long enough, but fun, restful and thank goodness it WAS, because there will be no rest for the weary til, probably January. (makes me sad to say it, but it's true. As a homebody lazybones, more or less, this makes me blanch. A little. There's only so pale my skin'll go...)

Friday I took off and we did one of my favorite-of-late things - band practice!

Disclaimer: The term "band practice" does not refer to any band in actuality that I claim to be any part of. It loosely references at least two hours of sitting in T's living room with him and B, looking up lyrics and chords online that they can play while they (and occasionally I) sing. Although I was pursuing a bit of a music career oh, a decade ago, the only places you'll catch me opening the pipes are #1: the shower, #2: the car, when I'm driving, and #3: the odd karaoke excursion.

Saturday night was a party given by one of M's coworkers that had a tailgating theme. And, as happy as I would have been to don my Gator gear, I'm still completely in boxes from the move so the most I could lay my hands on was good old UCF wear. Not that I wouldn't rather be rocking my Florida garb, ribbons beads and all (let's be honest, my time at UCF was before they had a football team worth watching-oops-I-mean-cheering on), but you gotta do what you've gotta do with the options you have.

So we went, and they had Rock Band. Now I have never played Guitar Hero in my life, and this is a souped-up version that included 2 guitars, a drum set and a mic for a singer, all which are led the same way that guitars on Guitar Hero are. Best. Game. Ever.
Candid that T got of M and I:

And him giving me the crazy eyes when I tried to do the same:

Other than that, and driving down to Redondo to wait for my cable guy and rearrange some of the rooms before we unpack everything (not a fun job, that moving furniture around business. Especially when you don't agree on where it should go), the weekend wasn't too eventful. Just the way I like it, usually. If only it were cold enough for gloves and hot cider, I'd've been perfectly contented.

So, today is, besides returning movies and books that are way overdue because I'm a lot lazier in practice than in theory, the beginning of the T Day recipe finalization rounds. Good times. And as I definitely ate waaay way too much hummus (you know when you're completely full and know you should stop but it all tastes so good that you justify continuing to eat as you stuff your face more and more? Like, after you're really done with the bigger things so you say it's hummus, not a REAL main course so it doesn't matter? ... That = me, 10 minutes ago) at lunch and now can't imagine ever eating again, it's a harder job than it may seem.

Happy Monday, and thank goodness for short weeks!

Know Thyself

I’m sitting at The Panini Garden in Santa Monica, outside on their back patio in the perfectly sunny and breezy 79 degree weather. Perfect for…May. Early May. I might say August or September, but the light isn’t golden as it should be during the fall months.

Today, I’m okay with the ridiculously out-of-character November weather. I’ve never been to this place before, although every time I’m in Santa Monica and say I want to go somewhere to write T says that here would be perfect. Okay, okay, he was right. I love it. There just aren’t places like this at home. The back patio, where I’m sitting, has thin strips of linen draping from rafter to rafter, allowing enough light for it to be bright but completely taking the glare away. Tiny birds are fluttering between the gaps in the linen and in from the trees next to the fence down to the floor of the patio and back again. I didn’t even notice them until the couple next to me got up to leave and a tiny flock of them flew up. It’s an odd sensation because even with the slight breeze, you feel like you’re inside and you don't expect little birds to be everywhere. Sounds weird, I know, but it’s actually really cool. T and a friend are also here, working on a project:

It's one of my silly little mottos that you need to make it a point to know what you need in order to be your happiest, or most productive, inspired, or least bitchy; however you wanna spin it. For instance, it didn't take me too long to realize that I need more sleep than a normal person in order to be my most pleasant and productive. I also am a morning person, and am at my best when I awaken before 7am, which, combined with my need for sleep, makes for early nights. I find that this isn't normal for my peer quarterlifers so every year or two I'll somehow forget how important it is and try to maintain my normal routines with less sleep (like, going to bed late every night and still getting up at the same time in the morning, like I've been doing for the past couple weeks) and I'm okay for nearly a month, after which it's downhill, quickly. So, I can either go to bed early, or suck. Generally and all-around, suck. I'll be less energetic, less positive, my workouts suffer of course, and I am serious when I say I lose intelligence. No kidding, I become stupid. Or stupider, maybe...? See - I need sleep right now.

So that's 1. Another one for me is that I need to be in lovely places. I don't mean necessarily my living space, which depends on a lot of factors and can't always be done, but as soon as I move to a new city one of my top priorities is finding the closest and most beautiful parks, gardens and trails, which I then need to go visit semi-regularly in order to feel whole and balanced.

I've known people before who said that needing those things made me less human - an old boyfriend and I had gigantic fall-outs when I said I couldn't always live in Florida because I needed real trees in my life. Sorry, I do...

So, back on topic, places like the one I'm sitting in, that has blooming lavender bushes lining the patio, intricate patterns inlaid in brick along the walkways and a simple fountain next to the door, not to mention the birds, are important to me. I lived in Richmond again between undergrad and grad school for about 8 months and Maymont was my savior. I miss it like I miss a person, and every time I go I feel as if I'm visiting an old friend as I walk the paths.

I'm sure that's one of the things that makes me odd, but at least I'm aware of it :) And I don't think there's a thing wrong with needing beauty in my life.

So, in closing, what are things you need? What calms your soul and makes the quiet voice of inspiration easy to hear, once your mind has settled? Maybe it's music or particular foods, or routines like exercise or visiting certain people.

Think about it, find out, then start putting some of that stuff into your schedule. Go on msn.com or any news site and you'll see how pampered our lives are compared to some in the world. We have a responsibility, at the very least, to appreciate that fact and make ourselves the most healthy beings we can, in order to contribute what we need to to the world.
Happy Friday :)

On Seasonal Smelliness and Brain ATMs

While I'm happy that the work week has been going by at a good clip, it also makes me a little apprehensive about the upcoming holiday season probably passing in a flash. After Halloween, it seems more and more like the other holidays are a day apart, and then there you are, dumped in the new year, looking around and wondering what happened (not to mention possibly hungover, depending on your NYE celebration...)

I have a tradition that's pretty silly, I do admit, but it's awesome (subjectively) - and it involves this:

Bath and Body Works' Winter Candy Apple. I love. And have been wearing it, for a month and a half each year, for nigh on a decade. You know how smells can instantly and effortless take you back - not only do you remember what was happening when you smelled the smell before, but how it looked, sounded, smelled (of course), and even felt?

Your nose, (olfactory nerve) is the one that is most hardwired into the brain (hence the pheromone theory that you're attracted to people and don't even know why, etc.) so smells engender emotion and memories in a way that no other sense can quite duplicate. And, when I start to use my delicious WCA scent, I know that the holidays are here! Sometimes I'll dig it out just for fun and wear it for a day in summer, but my sense of time gets very confused :) Maybe it's just me, but it's things like that that make the passage of the years so nice.

So that's my excitement for this week, I'm instantly in the grasp of the season. Even though it is going to get up into the eighties this afternoon, which just isn't right...

I haven't had as many of my deep thoughts this week, or perhaps they haven't lingered long enough for me to still grasp them by the time I'm at my keyboard (the best ones come at decidedly inconvenient times, like in the shower or on a walk outside). I've been sitting down to write without much coming out, and here's where my Brain ATM theory comes in:

I think, that if nothing will come out of your mind (creativity, inspiration, etc.), then you should put something in. Read, watch a movie, listen to music. To kick it up a notch, do these things with media that not only entertains you, but that has a deeper connection to your creative drive. Watch a movie that you LOVE and that would inspire the kinds of thoughts that you're looking for. Or, reread that book or re-listen to that cd (or ipod playlist, trying to be modern here) that will do the same thing. If none of that sounds good, go read some kind of textbook, letter, or educational website about the topics that you often ponder, and after it's marinaded there for a while, you'll break it down, reform the paper pulp and send out a new noggin output, that is very much "you". There ya go: (not-so) instant inspiration.

So, I've been doing a lot of reading lately. Oh, one more thing - if you write, you'll write like who you're reading. Therefore, if you love a certain author, read a lot of their stuff and you'll eventually start to sound like them. I find this to be VERY true for myself - I start to "talk" (aka write) like whoever I'm "listening" to (reading), pretty soon. Especially if I'm spending a lot of time immersed in that person's work.

Hmm, if only it worked like that for musical talent or financial genius...

Ok, that's it for today. Get out and enjoy the weather! If it's hot or cold or rainy, By definition, it's very much November where you are (even if your November involves record breaking highs, like mine does. sigh.) Don't let it go by in a flash.

Crossed off the Calendar

The other day, as I was looking for a quote suitable for the whiteboard (they have to be just right), I came across one that basically said that if, every night before sleeping, you cross off that day on your calendar, saying "this is one day that I will never live again", you will learn the value of time. I forget who it was by.

Good grief. I didn't think much of it at the time, but it's marinaded for a few days now and I can't get it out of my head. Living with that knowledge (I'll never live this morning again, this afternoon again, this sunset again)... has made my life more precious moment-to-moment, as I wonder what things I would miss if I were looking back on my life. They're always simple, like the feeling of the cobbled sidewalks of campus beneath my shoes and the tiny leaves of the silhouetted fern trees against the sky. Or T making me smile -

Speaking of, last night as I was driving to Santa Monica after work and only intermittently stuck in traffic, I decided to listen to an old Garth Brooks cd that I hadn't put in yet in this time zone (the last time I listened to it was in grad school I suppose, in FL). When the song You Move Me came on, I remembered how many times I used to listen to it, along with other songs that spoke to me in the same way (sorry if you don't like country, but they have some of the sweetest songs. I'm an equal-opportunity music lover) and how I would think of them. For instance, with this one, he's saying how the person he loves has changed everything for him and made his world a better place to live in. I used to listen to it and swoon and wish that I could affect someone that way; I was entirely too cocky about my own potential life choices to ever think that I could ever be in that position with another person - that they would give me new ways of seeing things that made my world brighter...and that's just what T does. Not that I'll go into it here, but suffice it to say that not only did he give me faith in love again, he has given me faith in the goodness of people.

Here's a picture of us soon after we met:

Ok, done swooning now.

Anyway, I was talking later to my friend B, a.k.a the sexy vegan (who is also T's roommate and who makes amazing videos, hence the link - make sure to check out the interlude video - awesome) and we somehow got into a discussion about life, health, positive thinking, the power of prayer, and so on. Leave it to me - in college the joke was that after I'd had a few, I wouldn't want to dance or flirt - I'd go sit in a corner with someone and discuss the mysteries of the universe. Weird.

Then, on a more mundane note, I ordered some gluten-free stuff for turkey day! T can't have gluten or else he has mild Celiac's symptoms - tummy ache, fatigue, etc. (as I remind him every time he contemplates ordering a Guinness these days), so I was a bit worried about how I'd make some of the holiday stuff, but lo and behold, there is a gluten-free pie crust mix here! That was the only one I hadn't figured out how to sub rice flour or something into. I'm very excited.

In closing, have a great day. Enjoy your weather (yes mom, I AM jealous of you having to warm the car up), and remember, there's only a month and change left in our lovely 2008 - make it memorable :)

Blazin' Moves

First of all, here's a pic I took this morning on the highway as I was on my ridiculously-and-unnecessarily(stupid LA traffic!)-long drive in to work this morning (don't worry, traffic was stopped when I took it, no reckless driving here):
See how the sky fades into a pinky brown at the bottom? No, the sun wasn't rising. Rather, that's smoke from the fires. I heard that over 200 homes are gone at this point.

For living in paradise as we do in SoCal, there are some pretty huge prices that are paid for that perfect weather, I think. I can only imagine how those who woke up to a normal day on Friday and are now without houses and all the possessions in them, 3 days later, can feel. Please pray for them and send positive thoughts/energy, I will be...

Now, on another, less important note, I moved. this. weekend.

Aaarrrgh! There, that was my textual primal scream. I feel a lot better.

Let me explain. Usually, I like moving. I feel it thrilling, and I especially love that last drive away, when you are leaving your own world behind and driving into the unknown. I think it's incredibly freeing and exciting.

But.

In order for me to really get the most out of this kind of excitement, a few "givens" have to be in place. Ok, to amend, not "givens" for everyone. Just givens for me. As I learned this weekend. One of them is, I dunno, packing your stuff, maybe?

I love my sister. She has a dizzying intellect, and she has the most organized thoughts of anyone I know (don't talk to her about grammar. You'll walk away with a headache, I promise). However, actually, physically, organized? Not so much. (I love you M, but it's true! And you know it.) On her last move, her pseudo-family (a.k.a skydiving buddies) got to her house and saw that nothing had been packed. As in, nothing at all. Perfectly lived-in. So they, being the hyperactive go-getters that they are, moved her. In garbage bags. (I can hear some of you cringing). She STILL hasn't found some of her stuff.

This time, it was better. She was kind of packed and had already moved some stuff in her car here and there (the new townhouse is by her work). However, yes, her room was one of the last ones packed. She just has a lot of stuff! Which is awesome when you need to borrow something :) , but not awesome for moving.

Anyway, we moved. And there's a lot more that goes into it. Imagine lost U-Haul dealerships, magical hidden streets that supposedly have a police station (to buy overnight parking permits for the U-Haul), disgusting thai food that makes everyone sick, movies that give you nightmares (Apocalypto rocks, but make sure you can see it to the end before a sleep is scheduled), Los Angeles traffic, ashes falling like snow at the new house, no place for the U-Haul at said house so having to park it halfway into the tiny overpopulated street (I bet our neighbors love us already), bathrooms that will need to be completely disassembled (I'll unpack...next week?), no ceiling fixtures anywhere which we discover as the sun's setting, staircases that are homicidal, and a new neighbor, oh no, I mean disgustingly awesomely huge banana spider that hangs out in the tiny tree in front of the house, sitting eye level with me as I climb out of my car-

"What does that thing eat?"

"Small aircraft."

-and my favorite, "hot" water that never gets hotter than warm. I was awake this morning in the shower, that's fo sho!

And winding up right smack dab in a Monday. I need a nap.

But, I will say, that T was great. He jumped right in, moved furniture, did things that were not fun like clean out the fridge (ew), then help carry the monstrosity of it to and from the truck, find little things that we surely would have left behind, vacuum (without being asked! Wow!) and on top of everything, also comfort me, in between carrying in furniture and who knows what else, when I was overwhelmed. Amazing. Just sayin.

M's friend Jeff with Santa's sack -oh no- I mean a "box" of M's stuff:

M's skydiving dad Mark, M, and Terry in the old kitchen:



T and I on a slurpee hunt mid-move (they make everything better):
And finally, the shot of the evening - our first meal in the new house! We're in what was soon-to-become my new bedroom, watching a movie on my laptop and eating Peruvian food. I'd never had it so was unaware that there would be squid involved. I'm a sushi lover, but I'm sorry, those little suction cup thingies just freak me out.


Have a great week! Stay away from weird ocean animals that are smart enough to learn how to unscrew a jar to get the treat inside (true story, I saw it on the Discovery channel). Wait, if they're smart, and you are what you eat, shouldn't I have been shoveling those bad boys down? Ugh, sorry, can't do it. I'll have to stay dumb :)

SoCal ShakeDown!

So we just had an earthquake!

Ok, that's a lie.

We just had a simulated earthquake of a significant magnitude. It was a drill that was for the entire state, or at least this half of the state - I guess the powers that be got a wake-up call a few months ago that no one would know what the heck to do if "the big one" hit (you can see my vlog on it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9fTFEVMK8M).

So we had it here, as a campus-wide thing, and at 10:02am they fired off a cannon to give the signal to "duck and cover". So I did, under my desk, which was surprisingly roomy and comfortable, yay for the corner desk, and which was good because we had to be there for 2 minutes! 2 minutes is a loooong time when you're hunched under a desk. I should keep a crossword puzzle or something under there just in case...

Anyway, so my boss and I started (pseudo) yelling a conversation back and forth from our attached offices. He's apparently been in all the big semi-recent ones, which is interesting, especially when big hanging lights are swinging over your head. And by interesting, I mean kinda scary.

Then it was over, and after determining that I'd be ok with the falling stuff (although I hate to imagine what my office would look like afterward - it's a pigsty as it is...) and that he should get under another part of his desk than he did, because of a ginormous heavy bookshelf that is mounted to the wall above it, I took up my role as the 'runner'.

As our building's runner, it'd be my job to go to the central location and get any info, directions, etc., as well as taking them info on injured/trapped/etc people where I am . So I went over to our division office and signed a little form to say I was there, and chatted for a minute ("Did you guys hide under the desks? We did over in Steele."...."I'll decline to answer that"...)

It's a gorgeous day today! And I noticed on my walk back that most people ignored the drill, but what are you gonna do. As I was celebrating the loveliness of the day while lamenting the temperature, which is supposed to get up to NINETY later (boo), I noticed an airplane flying pretty low - I could hear the motor loudly, but this isn't odd because LAX is so close. Anyway, I wonder what it would be like to be in an airplane looking down during an earthquake, seeing the ground writhe beneath you, buildings falling, while you're safe and level up in the air. Must be weird!

On that note, stock up on your bottled water and enjoy the lovely day. Oh, and drink some hot chocolate for me, those of you who are in the cold! I'll be sweating my face off.