So I had a naked dream last night.
No, not the kind that you're thinking.
One of those where you're not happy about being naked. I had these a lot in high school and college, where I'd be at work or in the dining hall and be aware that I was in only my birthday suit, and realize that everyone else knew too. So what would I do? Just pretend that it wasn't happening. My naked dream logic is that if I act like it's not a big deal and I'm not worried about it, everyone else will too. Strange, I know. But it always works. With dream-people, that is. They're pretty gullible, those neural creations of mine..
Half the time I realize that I'm in a dream when I have weirdo ones. Of course, when I don't realize it, they're still super vivid and realistic and when I wake up I am shocked that it was, in fact, a dream. Over the years I've gotten better at my dream-behavior once I realize that I'm asleep.
Just about a year ago I had a dream where I worked in a hospital (I did work in the cardiology department of VCU several years back, so it wasn't much of a stretch) and crazy dreamish things were happening, and when I finally realized that my surroundings were totally fiction, I looked at my imaginary dream friend, sitting across the table and asked her with a smirk, "So, how does it feel to be a dream person?" Her eyes widened in surprise as she started to think about the question. I suppose she hadn't gotten the memo.
More recently, I had an apocalyptic dream with T in it where there was some crazy violent political takeover happening (WW2 style), and we were being herded off to some type of holding place, and I looked at T eventually, realization dawning upon me, and said something along the lines of this not being our life, and this totally having to be a dream. So we just hung out until I woke up.
Anticlimactic, I know. Like many things. We won't go into the crazier dreams, where I start karmic life/death sequences that will go on for all of eternity or I fly swinging through treetops, or when I work in a top-secret government underground laboratory and get shot in the neck and have to hold my head on. We also won't talk about the ones where I exorcise houses in a time loop and dissolve demons with my bare hands, but they happen. Oh yes, they do.
But, as usual, I've digressed.
Last night's dream had me in the shower, trying in peace to shave my armpits while the room went from a bathroom to a living room with a steady stream of people filing in, to, on the other side, a Chipotle restaurant (I think). Either way the shower curtains were in segments rather than one complete sheet so everyone could see in, and people working in the Chipotle assembly line were whispering about it. One of the characters from Weeds (which T and I watched before bed) was looking through from the other side, as if I were bothering her with my minding-my-own-business-showeringness. Not a very nice person in my dream, that girl...(it was Quinn, in case you're wondering...)
As I often do in these dream situations, I pretended like I didn't notice my lack of shower privacy, and went on to pick up the razor after the first aborted attempt at shaving, noticing that it now had like 9 blades rather than the usual 2 or 3. Strange, yep. But I acted as if it were normal, as I mentally tried to figure out how not to cut off my arm accidentally (and no dream nicks are reported at this time).
So there you go.
What in the world could this mean?
Oh, probably something about revealing myself and my life to the world in my blogs and in various other places online (which T and I have differing opinions on - he's more of a private person, but as you can see, I am not), and about my worries about A Luminous Life's success (which I'm sure is normal among new business owners), not to mention about the strangeness that will be involved in the awesome exciting new thing that I'm still holding out on blogging about (not gonna share it yet, waiting for the perfect time cause it's a big deal), and that's probably about it.
I don't know what the razor means....but I came out unbloodied so I'm still thinking that I'm all good with that one...
How did the dream end?
My alarm went off.
And no, I didn't cut myself shaving in the shower this morning. And we have doors, not curtains on our shower so I'm good there too.
(as far as I know the closest Chipotle is at least 3 miles away as well, which is a relief...)
Happy hump day!
Today's whiteboard quote:
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
~Anais Nin
(I really love that one. I think it'll end up on my wall.)
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
A Dreamy Death
So, first things first, my oh-so-popular giveaway (as in, 3 entries and one of them was totally my mom....perhaps I ought to work on my advertising?) has a winner!
Shabby Princess, you are it!
Email me with what colors you want in it and what size you want them to be, we'll chat :) (charismb@yahoo.com)
And now, on to the post for today:
Last night I dreamt that T and I died.
But that was only the beginning of the dream.
We were in a small group and one of the people there had died. He, however, was just standing there, participating in conversation as if nothing was wrong (this was his spirit, mind you, not his body, but it was just as clear as if it had been physical). I remember wondering what the best way to breach that subject and let him know that he'd kicked the bucket would be…
Then, not long afterwards, we all died (like, everyone in that group-about 5 or 6 people). I don’t think we were already dead when we realized that the first guy was, but in the same conversation, or one a lot like it, we realized that we were dead too. However there we were, talking.
None of the people around (we were at some sort of festival) could really see us. A little girl could, and made eye contact with me. She had blond curls and was about three years old. I smiled at her and waved as I always do to small children, and I immediately realized (and hope that the bad one wasn’t the case) that I didn’t know whether I’d appeared to her the way I looked in life, or the way I’d died. If it was the latter, my body would be all mangled and bloody, perhaps an eyeball hanging out or something like that. I certainly didn’t want her to see!
But, she shyly smiled and headed back over to her mom, so I assumed that I looked alright.
I don’t know how it was that I died. But obviously, it was in a pretty violent way. I’m thinking a car accident or plane crash or something…
Anyway, after this, T and I went off on our own. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the group.
M came around while we were still making our way through the festival grounds. She could see me. That’s when it hit me. I had died! I felt terrible. I cried and felt the hot tears streak my cheeks as I apologized for not being able to share the bond that sisters have for the rest of this lifetime. No more phone calls or visits, no comparing notes about our kids in years to come. She seemed alright, considering. I mostly remember how upset and guilty I felt.
I also realized at this point how much was lost - how I’d never have a career or build a family. How T’s and my big dreams would never realize, and I was so disappointed. Then I realized that it didn’t much matter anyway, and it was just something that could’ve happened. Something else was going to happen instead. A solid sense of calm and acceptance enveloped me, and also an excitement about the future, and seeing what was going to happen next.
T and I would, from time to time, retire to a room in some sort of other place (this dream went on for days). I think it was sort of gray and insubstantial, and I suppose we would go there to rest, sleep, hang out, I’m not sure. I just know that it wasn’t of the physical world, but I don’t know where it actually was located either. Some sort of in-between place.
We visited the physical world all the time. We were happy to be together, especially because we had no idea what we were doing. There were no goals, nothing to be reaching or striving for like there is in any ordinary life, and that held a potential for things to get very boring, pretty quickly.
So we entertained ourselves by visiting. We discovered that, if we went to see people who hadn’t known us, they could sometimes see us (if we chose) and we could interact. So, we started to do that. We weren’t perfect at choosing when and when not to be seen, but we were learning. We were learning so many things.
Once, we visited a woman in the town I grew up in (I think she was the mother of one of my classmates). She kept animals in the back yard, inside a transparent tent. We went to see the animals, who could see us and interacted with us. She heard the noise and came outside to see what was going on. I edged out of the flap of the tent and stood right next to her as she looked in, and on her walk down from the house, right through me. It was exhilarating and odd to know that she couldn't see me. At all.
T went to work for a day at a run down shanty restaurant for the day as a handyman type, and he ate lunch there as I sat across from him. The restaurant owner (who hadn't ever met us in life) gave him a jar of water to drink as he worked on the eaves above the porch, and as I took a sip (it was cool and delicious) I realized that the water wasn’t in mason jar like I’d thought, but in a jar that had been a candle jar. It was smoothly fluted at the top. I remember thinking that it was odd, but pretty. And very heavy.
After that was finished, we went along our way. We were talking about how perhaps this is how it happens sometimes - here we were, with interesting influence over this world of things (we were learning that we could do some crazy stuff), and we could choose to do nice things or not so nice things. The more we chose to do nice things, the more unexplainable things we became capable of, and we assumed that the opposite would be true as well. Was this how things/people/spirits become angels and demons? It seemed to make sense.
Then one of us noticed a rainbow - as I looked at it I saw that, instead of just one rainbow, the sky was filled by a vertical line of rainbows, each stacked on the one below it. It was beyond breathtakingly beautiful. And I knew then that, if I’d been in a physical body, I would have never been able to see that beauty - people's eyes aren’t able to see all of the colors of light in the spectrum. All these people were walking around, completely unaware of the gorgeousness right above them.
I took a step to the left and the rainbows shifted and were gone. I figured the light had just bent another way. It had been like looking at the side of a prism.
After the conversation we’d had about good and bad deeds, I started to wonder just what I was capable of. I wondered if I could fly. I laughingly shared my thought with T and jumped. And sure enough, I felt a mental wrenching (the same one I’ve had in other flying dreams - it’s as if a switch in my mind is flipped. It’s difficult to do, and in my waking life, the morning after the dream I can always feel where the switch is, but can never flip it. I wonder what would happen if I could figure out how to flip it…) and up I was! Not very high, maybe only 5 or 6 feet off of the ground, and I was pretty clumsy. It was a lot like swimming underwater. An older man walked towards us, not seeing us at all. He looked care-worn, but kind. I felt such unbounded joy that I floated back from him (he was about to walk right through me!) and put my hands on the side of his face. I blessed him with my intention and sent the thought of love and grace through my hands into him, and saw a smile of peace cross his face. I felt wonderful! My blessing had actually worked!
I had the thought a moment later, after he was gone, that the angel/devil thing is probably true when we’re still alive too. Why is it any different whether you’re physical or not? Your choices can be the causes of great good and great evil. Might as well choose wisely.
Then my alarm went off.
So, what do you make of that?
Shabby Princess, you are it!
Email me with what colors you want in it and what size you want them to be, we'll chat :) (charismb@yahoo.com)
And now, on to the post for today:
Last night I dreamt that T and I died.
But that was only the beginning of the dream.
We were in a small group and one of the people there had died. He, however, was just standing there, participating in conversation as if nothing was wrong (this was his spirit, mind you, not his body, but it was just as clear as if it had been physical). I remember wondering what the best way to breach that subject and let him know that he'd kicked the bucket would be…
Then, not long afterwards, we all died (like, everyone in that group-about 5 or 6 people). I don’t think we were already dead when we realized that the first guy was, but in the same conversation, or one a lot like it, we realized that we were dead too. However there we were, talking.
None of the people around (we were at some sort of festival) could really see us. A little girl could, and made eye contact with me. She had blond curls and was about three years old. I smiled at her and waved as I always do to small children, and I immediately realized (and hope that the bad one wasn’t the case) that I didn’t know whether I’d appeared to her the way I looked in life, or the way I’d died. If it was the latter, my body would be all mangled and bloody, perhaps an eyeball hanging out or something like that. I certainly didn’t want her to see!
But, she shyly smiled and headed back over to her mom, so I assumed that I looked alright.
I don’t know how it was that I died. But obviously, it was in a pretty violent way. I’m thinking a car accident or plane crash or something…
Anyway, after this, T and I went off on our own. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the group.
M came around while we were still making our way through the festival grounds. She could see me. That’s when it hit me. I had died! I felt terrible. I cried and felt the hot tears streak my cheeks as I apologized for not being able to share the bond that sisters have for the rest of this lifetime. No more phone calls or visits, no comparing notes about our kids in years to come. She seemed alright, considering. I mostly remember how upset and guilty I felt.
I also realized at this point how much was lost - how I’d never have a career or build a family. How T’s and my big dreams would never realize, and I was so disappointed. Then I realized that it didn’t much matter anyway, and it was just something that could’ve happened. Something else was going to happen instead. A solid sense of calm and acceptance enveloped me, and also an excitement about the future, and seeing what was going to happen next.
T and I would, from time to time, retire to a room in some sort of other place (this dream went on for days). I think it was sort of gray and insubstantial, and I suppose we would go there to rest, sleep, hang out, I’m not sure. I just know that it wasn’t of the physical world, but I don’t know where it actually was located either. Some sort of in-between place.
We visited the physical world all the time. We were happy to be together, especially because we had no idea what we were doing. There were no goals, nothing to be reaching or striving for like there is in any ordinary life, and that held a potential for things to get very boring, pretty quickly.
So we entertained ourselves by visiting. We discovered that, if we went to see people who hadn’t known us, they could sometimes see us (if we chose) and we could interact. So, we started to do that. We weren’t perfect at choosing when and when not to be seen, but we were learning. We were learning so many things.
Once, we visited a woman in the town I grew up in (I think she was the mother of one of my classmates). She kept animals in the back yard, inside a transparent tent. We went to see the animals, who could see us and interacted with us. She heard the noise and came outside to see what was going on. I edged out of the flap of the tent and stood right next to her as she looked in, and on her walk down from the house, right through me. It was exhilarating and odd to know that she couldn't see me. At all.
T went to work for a day at a run down shanty restaurant for the day as a handyman type, and he ate lunch there as I sat across from him. The restaurant owner (who hadn't ever met us in life) gave him a jar of water to drink as he worked on the eaves above the porch, and as I took a sip (it was cool and delicious) I realized that the water wasn’t in mason jar like I’d thought, but in a jar that had been a candle jar. It was smoothly fluted at the top. I remember thinking that it was odd, but pretty. And very heavy.
After that was finished, we went along our way. We were talking about how perhaps this is how it happens sometimes - here we were, with interesting influence over this world of things (we were learning that we could do some crazy stuff), and we could choose to do nice things or not so nice things. The more we chose to do nice things, the more unexplainable things we became capable of, and we assumed that the opposite would be true as well. Was this how things/people/spirits become angels and demons? It seemed to make sense.
Then one of us noticed a rainbow - as I looked at it I saw that, instead of just one rainbow, the sky was filled by a vertical line of rainbows, each stacked on the one below it. It was beyond breathtakingly beautiful. And I knew then that, if I’d been in a physical body, I would have never been able to see that beauty - people's eyes aren’t able to see all of the colors of light in the spectrum. All these people were walking around, completely unaware of the gorgeousness right above them.
I took a step to the left and the rainbows shifted and were gone. I figured the light had just bent another way. It had been like looking at the side of a prism.
After the conversation we’d had about good and bad deeds, I started to wonder just what I was capable of. I wondered if I could fly. I laughingly shared my thought with T and jumped. And sure enough, I felt a mental wrenching (the same one I’ve had in other flying dreams - it’s as if a switch in my mind is flipped. It’s difficult to do, and in my waking life, the morning after the dream I can always feel where the switch is, but can never flip it. I wonder what would happen if I could figure out how to flip it…) and up I was! Not very high, maybe only 5 or 6 feet off of the ground, and I was pretty clumsy. It was a lot like swimming underwater. An older man walked towards us, not seeing us at all. He looked care-worn, but kind. I felt such unbounded joy that I floated back from him (he was about to walk right through me!) and put my hands on the side of his face. I blessed him with my intention and sent the thought of love and grace through my hands into him, and saw a smile of peace cross his face. I felt wonderful! My blessing had actually worked!
I had the thought a moment later, after he was gone, that the angel/devil thing is probably true when we’re still alive too. Why is it any different whether you’re physical or not? Your choices can be the causes of great good and great evil. Might as well choose wisely.
Then my alarm went off.
So, what do you make of that?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
RIP, Uncle Junior
T and I do not agree on multimedia entertainment. Sometimes we'll find a gray area in music, but on movies and TV shows, the things we agree on come along as few and far between.
The issue we have is that his "palette" is just more educated and evolved than mine in that way. He knows about film on a deeper level, so he doesn't like the fluff that I do. He likes things that aren't tied up in pretty bows; where the ending doesn't just mysteriously and nonsensically all come together. In other words, he prefers things that resemble real life more closely.
Not I. Give me a bow any day. If I want to feel the emotional dip and sway of real life, I'll read the newspaper. I watch movies so my mind can play. Passively. (that's also why I don't watch many movies...)
We've reached a middle ground of taking turns. As in, he can pick, then I can too (and I'd like to say right here, sir, that you owe me, like, 3!)
Anyway.
One thing that we don't take turns about is the Sopranos. He really (like, really) loves that show, so I've agreed to watch it. All of it. I'd never seen an episode before I started dating him, and we're now into Season 2. I'm liking the show, although I, along with pretty much everyone I know who watches it, have a much dirtier mouth for a couple hours after an episode than I do at any other time...
Now, to the point of this post. The last episode we watched was roughly a week ago. I did not have the Sopranos on the brain last night for any reason.
Hear what I'm saying? There is no explanation for the following.
Last night I dreamt that I was a Soprano. Not a character that I see on the show, but that I, myself, was related or something. And there was a place out in the middle of nowhere that the family had as a meeting and safe-house, except it was a whole cluster of houses and buildings (kind of like a farm, but there was no farm-type-stuff going on).
There was a meeting happening, or people were hiding from the police, or something. And at one point, I, and other various women in the family, were there alone. Uncle Junior, an actual character on the show, came and was being his usual jerky, egotistical, slightly evil-but-more-pitiful self, who he is on the show. At least, who he is up until the first third of Season 2. If he changes his spots after that, I have no awareness, obviously...
He was doing or saying something stupid, or hateful, and I knew that he was going to be responsible for something even worse (like, a lot of people being murdered or something) soon, and I...
...pulled out a gun and shot him.
In the face.
Right there, in the forehead.
And I didn't feel bad at all! We (the girls) hid the body and all, and it was very awkward when anyone came around looking for him.
There was more to the dream, but that's all I really remember.
I told T about it this morning and he laughed at me, kissed me, told me he loved me, and then said, in the same breath, that I can't make fun of him anymore.
What?!?
My thoughts in the morning were:
#1) Wow, subconsciously I'm a hard-ass.
#2) I mean, I know he's a jerk and all, but how could I not even feel any guilt after putting a hole in this face:
Skeeves me out.
The issue we have is that his "palette" is just more educated and evolved than mine in that way. He knows about film on a deeper level, so he doesn't like the fluff that I do. He likes things that aren't tied up in pretty bows; where the ending doesn't just mysteriously and nonsensically all come together. In other words, he prefers things that resemble real life more closely.
Not I. Give me a bow any day. If I want to feel the emotional dip and sway of real life, I'll read the newspaper. I watch movies so my mind can play. Passively. (that's also why I don't watch many movies...)
We've reached a middle ground of taking turns. As in, he can pick, then I can too (and I'd like to say right here, sir, that you owe me, like, 3!)
Anyway.
One thing that we don't take turns about is the Sopranos. He really (like, really) loves that show, so I've agreed to watch it. All of it. I'd never seen an episode before I started dating him, and we're now into Season 2. I'm liking the show, although I, along with pretty much everyone I know who watches it, have a much dirtier mouth for a couple hours after an episode than I do at any other time...
Now, to the point of this post. The last episode we watched was roughly a week ago. I did not have the Sopranos on the brain last night for any reason.
Hear what I'm saying? There is no explanation for the following.
Last night I dreamt that I was a Soprano. Not a character that I see on the show, but that I, myself, was related or something. And there was a place out in the middle of nowhere that the family had as a meeting and safe-house, except it was a whole cluster of houses and buildings (kind of like a farm, but there was no farm-type-stuff going on).
There was a meeting happening, or people were hiding from the police, or something. And at one point, I, and other various women in the family, were there alone. Uncle Junior, an actual character on the show, came and was being his usual jerky, egotistical, slightly evil-but-more-pitiful self, who he is on the show. At least, who he is up until the first third of Season 2. If he changes his spots after that, I have no awareness, obviously...
He was doing or saying something stupid, or hateful, and I knew that he was going to be responsible for something even worse (like, a lot of people being murdered or something) soon, and I...
...pulled out a gun and shot him.
In the face.
Right there, in the forehead.
And I didn't feel bad at all! We (the girls) hid the body and all, and it was very awkward when anyone came around looking for him.
There was more to the dream, but that's all I really remember.
I told T about it this morning and he laughed at me, kissed me, told me he loved me, and then said, in the same breath, that I can't make fun of him anymore.
What?!?
My thoughts in the morning were:
#1) Wow, subconsciously I'm a hard-ass.
#2) I mean, I know he's a jerk and all, but how could I not even feel any guilt after putting a hole in this face:
Skeeves me out.
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