Friday, April 24, 2009

A Dreamy Death

So, first things first, my oh-so-popular giveaway (as in, 3 entries and one of them was totally my mom....perhaps I ought to work on my advertising?) has a winner!

Shabby Princess, you are it!

Email me with what colors you want in it and what size you want them to be, we'll chat :) (

And now, on to the post for today:

Last night I dreamt that T and I died.

But that was only the beginning of the dream.

We were in a small group and one of the people there had died. He, however, was just standing there, participating in conversation as if nothing was wrong (this was his spirit, mind you, not his body, but it was just as clear as if it had been physical). I remember wondering what the best way to breach that subject and let him know that he'd kicked the bucket would be…

Then, not long afterwards, we all died (like, everyone in that group-about 5 or 6 people). I don’t think we were already dead when we realized that the first guy was, but in the same conversation, or one a lot like it, we realized that we were dead too. However there we were, talking.

None of the people around (we were at some sort of festival) could really see us. A little girl could, and made eye contact with me. She had blond curls and was about three years old. I smiled at her and waved as I always do to small children, and I immediately realized (and hope that the bad one wasn’t the case) that I didn’t know whether I’d appeared to her the way I looked in life, or the way I’d died. If it was the latter, my body would be all mangled and bloody, perhaps an eyeball hanging out or something like that. I certainly didn’t want her to see!

But, she shyly smiled and headed back over to her mom, so I assumed that I looked alright.

I don’t know how it was that I died. But obviously, it was in a pretty violent way. I’m thinking a car accident or plane crash or something…

Anyway, after this, T and I went off on our own. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the group.

M came around while we were still making our way through the festival grounds. She could see me. That’s when it hit me. I had died! I felt terrible. I cried and felt the hot tears streak my cheeks as I apologized for not being able to share the bond that sisters have for the rest of this lifetime. No more phone calls or visits, no comparing notes about our kids in years to come. She seemed alright, considering. I mostly remember how upset and guilty I felt.

I also realized at this point how much was lost - how I’d never have a career or build a family. How T’s and my big dreams would never realize, and I was so disappointed. Then I realized that it didn’t much matter anyway, and it was just something that could’ve happened. Something else was going to happen instead. A solid sense of calm and acceptance enveloped me, and also an excitement about the future, and seeing what was going to happen next.

T and I would, from time to time, retire to a room in some sort of other place (this dream went on for days). I think it was sort of gray and insubstantial, and I suppose we would go there to rest, sleep, hang out, I’m not sure. I just know that it wasn’t of the physical world, but I don’t know where it actually was located either. Some sort of in-between place.

We visited the physical world all the time. We were happy to be together, especially because we had no idea what we were doing. There were no goals, nothing to be reaching or striving for like there is in any ordinary life, and that held a potential for things to get very boring, pretty quickly.

So we entertained ourselves by visiting. We discovered that, if we went to see people who hadn’t known us, they could sometimes see us (if we chose) and we could interact. So, we started to do that. We weren’t perfect at choosing when and when not to be seen, but we were learning. We were learning so many things.

Once, we visited a woman in the town I grew up in (I think she was the mother of one of my classmates). She kept animals in the back yard, inside a transparent tent. We went to see the animals, who could see us and interacted with us. She heard the noise and came outside to see what was going on. I edged out of the flap of the tent and stood right next to her as she looked in, and on her walk down from the house, right through me. It was exhilarating and odd to know that she couldn't see me. At all.

T went to work for a day at a run down shanty restaurant for the day as a handyman type, and he ate lunch there as I sat across from him. The restaurant owner (who hadn't ever met us in life) gave him a jar of water to drink as he worked on the eaves above the porch, and as I took a sip (it was cool and delicious) I realized that the water wasn’t in mason jar like I’d thought, but in a jar that had been a candle jar. It was smoothly fluted at the top. I remember thinking that it was odd, but pretty. And very heavy.

After that was finished, we went along our way. We were talking about how perhaps this is how it happens sometimes - here we were, with interesting influence over this world of things (we were learning that we could do some crazy stuff), and we could choose to do nice things or not so nice things. The more we chose to do nice things, the more unexplainable things we became capable of, and we assumed that the opposite would be true as well. Was this how things/people/spirits become angels and demons? It seemed to make sense.

Then one of us noticed a rainbow - as I looked at it I saw that, instead of just one rainbow, the sky was filled by a vertical line of rainbows, each stacked on the one below it. It was beyond breathtakingly beautiful. And I knew then that, if I’d been in a physical body, I would have never been able to see that beauty - people's eyes aren’t able to see all of the colors of light in the spectrum. All these people were walking around, completely unaware of the gorgeousness right above them.

I took a step to the left and the rainbows shifted and were gone. I figured the light had just bent another way. It had been like looking at the side of a prism.

After the conversation we’d had about good and bad deeds, I started to wonder just what I was capable of. I wondered if I could fly. I laughingly shared my thought with T and jumped. And sure enough, I felt a mental wrenching (the same one I’ve had in other flying dreams - it’s as if a switch in my mind is flipped. It’s difficult to do, and in my waking life, the morning after the dream I can always feel where the switch is, but can never flip it. I wonder what would happen if I could figure out how to flip it…) and up I was! Not very high, maybe only 5 or 6 feet off of the ground, and I was pretty clumsy. It was a lot like swimming underwater. An older man walked towards us, not seeing us at all. He looked care-worn, but kind. I felt such unbounded joy that I floated back from him (he was about to walk right through me!) and put my hands on the side of his face. I blessed him with my intention and sent the thought of love and grace through my hands into him, and saw a smile of peace cross his face. I felt wonderful! My blessing had actually worked!

I had the thought a moment later, after he was gone, that the angel/devil thing is probably true when we’re still alive too. Why is it any different whether you’re physical or not? Your choices can be the causes of great good and great evil. Might as well choose wisely.

Then my alarm went off.

So, what do you make of that?


Stephay said...

What do you mean one of them was totally your mom??? Mom's ROCK :)

I am amazed at the depth and clarity of your dreams. I rarely remember mine and even then only if something startling or very emotional happens in them. It's such a blessing to have learned to remember what you dream and learn from it!

Robyn said...

Wow that was quite a dream! I think dreams are so crazy. The tiny little details we remember and how we even know what was going on in our thoughts in the dream. Totally weird. I'm certainly no dream interpreter so I have no idea what yours could possibly mean. Definitely sounds God inspired though.