Friday, April 10, 2009

The Pink Spoon Theory

Usually I listen to an audiobook during my commute. Occasionally, however, I feel like listening to music (the worse traffic is, the better an audiobook - if traffic's okay, I love jamming out as I zoom along).

Today was a good traffic day. So I alternated between a cd (Carrie Underwood, if you're wondering) and the radio. I stopped flipping channels when I heard Ryan Seacrest going on about "playing games" in relationships. When I heard the word "unsexy", I thought that it may be worth listening to.

And it was! I even thought about calling in (and I am certainly not a call-in-er).

Ryan said that it was a very "five or ten years ago" thing to do, playing the "hard to get" game. He said that it's better these days to just grow up and put it out there...

"I like you. I want to go out with you. Let's go on a date."

And the calls that he got were overwhelmingly in favor of that decision. One woman even said (she's now married) that she approached dating like a business interview - she had her 15 questions and her fact sheet, and she'd walked out of movies and restaurants when they said the wrong answer to one of those questions. Wow.

That approach may be a little drastic (boys are people too! No matter what I was saying last year...), but her motivations are understandable. A lot of people haven't gotten the "playing relationship games is so unsexy" memo! And let's be honest, none of us knows what the heck we're doing most of the time in relationships, especially new ones.

As for me, I was a huge advocate of the "pink spoon theory". After having my heart broken, torn, stomped on, and pureed in the food processor (over the course of several years of relationships) with the occasional reprieve (that was always a mutually casual relationship), I decided the hell with it. Feeling lonely now and then when I watched a movie with kettle corn and cookies n cream solo was soooo worth never having to get an entire myspace page created to show me how my boyfriend was sneaking out at night when I was out of town to some girl's house (we're talking slide shows people! With pics taken of her phone, showing his messages...). Yeah. it was bad.

And, after some dating and going out and interacting, and lots of talking to my guy friends I realized that,

Men were inferior.

But still fun

And that's when the pink spoon theory was born.

Think Baskin Robbins.


Heck, have one in every state (I did. More or less).

And it was great fun. And no one got hurt - the boys I hung out with (never any of that, however. I know what you're wondering. And I do have standards in that department) knew that nothing would ever get serious, so there was no pressure! And I was free to have a marvelous time, enjoying them for exactly what they were, and not being concerned with their drawbacks, because who cares? You only hang out for a day or two (while I'm in town) and you don't expect a thing. No expectations = no disappointments. You know you'll have fun, that's why you're hanging out with this guy in the first place.

So, that was that. And it worked out well. And over time, my scar tissue healed so that, even though I still never wanted to have to depend emotionally on a guy again, I didn't hold the contempt for them that I once did. And I realized that, hmmm, maybe they weren't inferior. Just different. In ways that weren't my favorite, but again? Who cares? They didn't need my approval. And I didn't need theirs. And I could completely dive in, mentally and emotionally, to conversations and interactions, knowing that as soon as I walked outside again, I'd be completely me, with none of myself still stretching back into the room and attaching itself to him (no matter if he was butter pecan or strawberry swirl).

And then, every interaction somehow became precious. Almost sacred, in fact. I realized that two people spending time together and enjoying each other's company is the best that any of us ever gets - and who cares if it's permanent or not? (I definitely preferred a temporary arrangement, but I tried my best not to be judgmental of those ball-and-chain types).

But, back to the playing games. I never played games, I was always honest. Now, whether or not the guys believed me, was not my concern. But I was deep into the pink spoon lifestyle, being completely happy being me, having my fun and going along on my little way, but always being honest (why the heck not?) and being excited about each experience.

And then I met T. Who, it turned out, thought the exact same way I did (not about the samples, but about the no expectations. Luckily for me, we met up when I hadn't been sampling for awhile; I wasn't really interested in it anymore).

And, in the diving in to the conversation, I saw how open and honest his gorgeous brown eyes were. And I noticed. Then, a day or two later, I saw how carefully he tucked the beach towel around my shoulders as we sat on the grassy knoll overlooking the Pacific together, even when it only slipped an inch.

And that, my friends, was the beginning of the end for me.
I didn't want any more pink spoons, very, very soon after that. One day I'll tell the full story, but today's not that day.

In closing, games are bad. Being yourself is good. And living in the moment, even better.

What do you think? I'd love to hear others' opinions!

1 comment:

The Polka Dotted Owl said...

i am now hungry and enlightened all rolled into one:) Something you might like to read, i do not know now since you found T but anyway, The Year of the Yeses. however you spell that. kinda like the pink spoon theory. you might think of writing a book?! just throwing that out there. you already have a great title!!!