I have a confession

Setting: Our kitchen. 7:35pm.
Players: M is to the right of the stove, preparing garlic toast. B is to the left of the stove, watching tofu as it sautees in a cast iron skillet (for his new recipe post, which will be here once he compiles it, I'm sure). I am perched on the counter by the sink, eating chips and salsa and T is rifling through the fridge, removing ingredients for fried rice.

C (as in, me): [B's last name, which is what we call him], I have a confession to make.

B comes out of his crazy chef can't-hear-anything-besides-the-pan-sizzling-and-pepper-grinding, etc universe and turns toward me.

B: Huh?

C: (wide eyed) I have something to confess to you. It's been weighing on my conscience for a long time now and I just have to tell you today.

B's face goes from curiosity, to sharpened attention, to suspicion, to slightly annoyed acceptance in about .7 seconds...

B: Okay, go ahead. (with a small resigned nod)

I look at T to see what he thinks about me spilling this diabolical secret. He shrugs. He also has no idea what I'm talking about.

C: Well, do you remember that time when we all had only just met and we were at y'all's old apartment having drinks and eating around the coffee table, and there was Nutella?

B: ...yes...

C: Ummm...when we weren't sure whether there was milk in the Nutella or not, and I looked at the package to check and see? Well, uh, I saw that there was milk in it, but I acted like I didn't see it. (a silent pause) You seemed like you liked it so much! And I didn't want to take that away from you and spoil it!

B: Oh yeah! I remember that. I figured it out a little bit later. (as he clearly doesn't understand the magnitude of what I'm saying here)

C: Right, I know you did. But I knew before and didn't say anything. I could've saved you, like, five bites.

.........crickets........

B (turning back towards his cooking surface and shooting a cocked eyebrowed look over one shoulder): Sleep with one eye open.

End scene.


I'm so ashamed....

I did ask B, later last night, what he thought I'd meant earlier when he looked kinda mad (which does not often happen with B, believe you me). He said he thought I'd broken a piece of his equipment or something. "Oh, jeez no," I said, "just ask T. If it had been something like that I wouldn't have lasted ten minutes without telling you"...